A college psychology professor's observations about public policy, mental health, sexual identity, and religious issues
This two part series first focuses on Christianity and science and then apparently includes some discussion of sexuality and Christianity, probably on Thursday night.
Here is the description of tonight’s segment:
Big questions about how the universe came to be and how we got here. Science says one thing, the Bible says another. Can the two co-exist? “What is a Christian?” tonight, 10 ET
Reading this article in the New York Times made me think of some of the cases I have worked with involving teens and family disclosures of sexual attractions to others of the same sex.
Most stories of teens, sexual identity and religion of late involve references to live-in programs or parent-child discord. With permission from those involved, I want to briefly describe a situation that challenges several stereotypes. I am masking this to avoid identification but the basic points are right on. Scott (not his real name, of course) felt intense attractions to boys since he was in mid-elementary school. He was a well rounded boy who did well at any sport he tried, although he preferred individual sports. He also enjoyed singing, playing in the band, and acting in community plays. The younger of two boys, he loved his brother and they had a harmonious relationship. He recalls no sexual molestation.
In his early teens, he confided in his father (with whom he felt most comfortable) that he wasn’t getting “those feelings” for girls but that he was getting them toward certain boys. His dad was a sensitive and involved father who assured Scott of his love. Scott and his dad then told Scott’s mom who was upset but also reassured Scott that he was loved. In their discussions, they talked over what Scott thought about being attracted to the same sex. In addition to his other gifts, Scott demonstrated a devotion to his faith. He told his parents that he wanted to talk to a Christian counselor to ask some questions. They agreed and called me.
In the mean time, Scott parents contacted the local PFLAG chapter and attended a meeting. They wanted to talk to other parents who had conservative views about sexuality but had found ways to support and love their children. At least at this chapter, they did not find this. Instead, the participants said they would need to change their religious views because of their gay son. Otherwise, they were told, they would harm their son unless they began attending an affirming church. They did not go back.
For his part, Scott had some questions for me which surprised me. Was I one of those therapists who would tell him to just accept being gay? If I was, he said, he wanted to leave now. I assured him that I would take his values and beliefs seriously. Here is a long story, shortened: Scott was quite set against “being gay” but understood that, for him, being same-sex attracted was nothing anyone caused. He also did not have hopes that he could just change. Once he was assured I would not try to push him to come out, he asked questions about sexuality, maturation, and disclosure. In our visits, we discussed the social and identity issues probably most kids with attractions to the same sex experience – whether gay-identified or not. Scott believed he had lots of time to figure things out.
That was several years ago, and I am now aware that Scott’s beliefs about sexuality are essentially the same and have been integrated within a consistent worldview. Although he is not fond of labels, if pressed, he describes himself as bisexual and dates girls selectively. His parents have struggled with the typical theories of homosexuality and at times, been quite resentful of the church in their odyssey. They have been to an Exodus conference (which they loved) but cannot find a parent’s group they like.
Of course, this is a story in progress. I am not offering it as typical. In fact, when it comes to the relatively calm manner these folks handled the disclosure, sadly, it isn’t typical. However, in many respects, this seems to be a different path to a healthy sexual identity.
Today, I am holding a news conference in Nashville to announce I am leaving academia to begin my music career. It has been a great run in the land of books and standard deviations but it is time to start pursuing these foolish dreams.
Wish me the best…
UPDATE: 4/2/07 – First day out was pretty good; first single charted at #1.
Without fanfare, NARTH and PFOX have eliminated most references to Richard Cohen from their websites. Although it is hard to know exactly what it means, this is a pretty significant move.
In light of the Exodus statement regarding the techniques displayed by Richard Cohen in the media, I thought it good to point out that the sexual identity therapy framework specifically identifies “holding therapy” as being inappropriate. From the framework:
Therapists should maintain professional boundaries in the therapeutic relationship. Therapists should follow ethical guidelines of their profession in conducting sexual identity therapy. Some approaches to sexual reorientation may blend appropriate therapeutic boundaries and are discouraged (e.g., Cohen, 2000). For instance, therapists should not engage in dual relationships with clients or provide physical touch or nurturance to clients. Therapists may supervise or oversee the client’s involvement in physical contact with others of the client’s choosing (friend, family member) during sessions only if the client has given consent. Clients should not be expected to become physically close to other clients in a group therapy situation. Therapists should not refer clients to retreats, support groups or interventions requiring boundary violations as a condition of participation.
Clearly, at times, family sessions involve hugging and the like, but the therapist should not participate. Especially troubling is the paternalism of this arrangement. Clients seeing the therapist as a parent figure should worked through, not encouraged. While we do not specifically discourage emotive techniques (beating pillows and screaming), we might consider whether we should add something to this effect – if for no other reason, to manage liability risk exposure. I have mentioned Genesis & Associates before as a negative example of how good intentions can go very wrong. Indeed, people who feel positive about an alternative technique at the time can later feel quite damaged by it. Specifically, a former Genesis & Associates client reported to CBS News in 2004 that she was damaged by therapists she formerly lauded on the 1995 documentary Divided Memories. In that CBS News report, the techniques were described that led to Ms. Diament’s dissatisfaction with her Genesis experience:
Carol says Mansmann prescribed two controversial treatments. One was “rage therapy” which included beating pillows while screaming. The other, “detachment therapy.” Mansmann urged Carol to move out of her home, away from her family. (italics mine)
To be fair, I suspect the detachment caused as much or more harm than the rage therapy. However, the rage therapy set up her willingness to believe that she was mistreated as a child and then to detach from her family. In hindsight, the “therapy” led to harmful results she was not able to anticipate.
In our guidelines, we do discourage therapists who have apriori determined the “root reasons” for same-sex attraction. Such emotive techniques as a given cannot be consistent with our guidelines since they are predicated on the notion that all same-sex attraction is a response to historical trauma or relational wounding.
UPDATE: 4/4/07 – I received an email from Richard Cohen this evening taking exception to my characterization of his work. Here is the email, which I indicated that I would include here to allow him to describe his work.
Dear Warren,
If you’re going to reference my work, here is the correct statement and my position:
Holding is not done by the therapist or by ministry leaders. It is to be done by OSA (Opposite-Sex Attracted) mentors, ideally the individual’s parent.
For clarification, this is stated clearly in Coming Out Straight on page 203, and in Chapters Ten and Twelve. I highly suggest you read the book and those chapters to better understand this issue.
Richard
Richard Cohen, M.A.
Director
International Healing Foundation
I recall asking Richard in an email about two weeks before his CNN appearance if he held his clients and he said he did not. Then he shows up on CNN holding one of his clients. Where was the mentor? Past clients have said he does indeed hold them so I think it is up in the air. I am also referring in this post to the whole approach which is promise change based on a faulty view of homosexuality in general. It is not hard to see how boundaries bent can become boundaries broken.