Local Man Survives Shopping Trip While Wearing Mask

Local Man Survives Shopping Trip While Wearing Mask

GROVE CITY, PA – A local man went shopping for groceries late Wednesday night while wearing a cloth face covering in response to COVID-19 regulations. With his mask on, Warren Throckmorton, a professor at Grove City College, was able to secure numerous items during the 35 minute excursion without injuring his health.

“I know it might surprise some people, but I didn’t lose consciousness even once. My heart rate went up a little in the hot sauce section, but I think that was because of the great selection,” Throckmorton said.

Many shoppers in the local County Market were not wearing masks observed Throckmorton.

“From what Facebook says, I bet they were afraid they would pass out.”

Throckmorton said he was even able to engage in one of his favorite shopping activities with his mask on: Grooving to the background music.

“The store plays some really good tunes. I like to groove while I shop.”

When asked if he planned to try wearing the mask again for other activities, Throckmorton said, “Now that I know I won’t die from wearing a mask, the sky’s the limit.”

VIDEO EXTRA

Throckmorton demonstrates for the skeptical reader just how he was able to shop while wearing his mask without having a major health catastrophe.

The entire trip was uneventful except for the many people who were not wearing masks. We wear masks to protect others in the event we have COVID-19 and don’t know it. If everybody wears a mask, the spread can be slowed.

55 thoughts on “Local Man Survives Shopping Trip While Wearing Mask”

  2. There’s been a societal dilemma. The argument that masks protect the wearer is fairly weak–they probably offer a little protection, but it’s far from perfect. The argument that they protect those around the wearer is enormously stronger. But, it’s felt that arguments appealing to a person’s self-preservation are more likely to work than ones appealing to their altruism; so a lot of mask-wearing appeals emphasize the weaker argument.

    If we were less selfish, all of us would be better off. Seems like Christianity has been saying that for a couple of thousand years; it’s weird that such a high proportion of Christians in the US seem particularly averse to the idea.

  3. Congratulations! You made it back from your expedition into the wilds of your local grocery store–while masked!–without passing out from lack of oxygen, despite the fears of your fellow shoppers! I hope your survival serves as an inspiration to them all. We need more masked people, if we’re going to be out in public without spreading COVID-19 to our neighbors.

  5. What a great Stepford! I’m sure Fauci will come to your house and give you a big “social distanced” hug. The masks are pretty silly. No real value in preventing disease, as they don’t cover your eyes which are also lined with mucus membranes that are susceptible to viral invasion. Not going to a BLM protest is a much better safety precaution than looking like a stagecoach robber for the rest of your life..

    1. Even after months of this sh*t, we still have covidiots like you who refuse to see the truth.
      WEAR A MASK.

          1. “THERE IS NO ‘YOU’,
            THERE IS ONLY ME!
            THERE IS NO ‘YOU’,
            THERE IS ONLY ME!
            “THERE IS NO F’IN ‘YOU’,
            THERE IS ONLY MEEEE!”
            — Nine Inch Nails

    2. the masks do a great deal in preventing the spread of covid-19. As has been pointed out many times (here and elsewhere) while the masks may not offer much protection for the wearer they do offer protection to OTHERS.

          1. Has this guy been “exposed” as another Crisis Actor(TM) in the pay of the Deep State(TM), just like all those “parents” at Sandy Hook?

          2. That line isn’t going to work in this case. the crisis is too widespread and affecting too many people. At the rate it is spreading, most of the country will personally know of someone who had to be hospitalized from it and possibly died.

        3. I think I’ll go with what the medical researchers have to say rather than some anonymous guy online.

        4. I think I’ll go with what the medical researchers have to say rather than some anonymous guy online.

  6. Well, Warren, I’m so pleased you survived what could have been a truly terrible ordeal.

    I’m just in from my shopping. It was not so much the possible physical effects that concerned me. Rather it was the profound psychological damage I might have suffered as a result of not being able to do exactly what I want exactly when I want to and in exactly the way I want, and regardless of the possible effects on others. But I made it through; I’m sufficiently composed to write this comment and then get on with my day …

  8. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/931ddf3875450629800984c3ab06ccd7f668244be266bafcf8d0a4204f7d3d65.jpg Touché! Humour is a great teacher. Well done.

    Vancouver BC is encouraging rather than shaming with a “Wearing is Caring” campaign with their transit system.

    Translink is giving out branded masks. Someone in the company has a sense of humour too.

    https://www.vancouverisawesome.com/vancouver-news/translink-15000-branded-face-masks-metro-vancouver-2436137

  9. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/931ddf3875450629800984c3ab06ccd7f668244be266bafcf8d0a4204f7d3d65.jpg Touché! Humour is a great teacher. Well done.

    Vancouver BC is encouraging rather than shaming with a “Wearing is Caring” campaign with their transit system.

    Translink is giving out branded masks. Someone in the company has a sense of humour too.

    https://www.vancouverisawesome.com/vancouver-news/translink-15000-branded-face-masks-metro-vancouver-2436137

  10. My heart rate went up a little in the hot sauce section, but I think that was because of the great selection,” Throckmorton said.

    I’m proud of you Warren! I knew you had a little kink somewhere inside of you. 😉

  12. We wear masks to protect others

    Well, there’s your problem. The mask refusers don’t give a rat’s behind about anyone but themselves, and that includes parents, grandparents, siblings, and children.

  13. The problem, of course, is that the mask protects others from you rather than you from others. The one’s who are least likely to wear a mask are the ones most likely to need one.

    1. And don’t forget “playground masculinity” and its constant dick-swinging contest.

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