Huffington Post just published my op-ed about the Kirk Murphy story featured at Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN. Part 3 of the series on CNN wraps up tonight with former reparative therapy client, Ryan Kendall, and his former therapist (according to Kendall) Joseph Nicolosi.
Here is the first few paragraphs, go on over to HuffPo and give the rest a read:
Last week, Chuck Colson used his Breakpoint radio show and column to promote the theory that one can prevent homosexuality by altering parent-child relations. To prevent male homosexuality, Colson wrote, “early intervention, in which the boy’s father learns how to be both strong and caring, will interrupt an unhealthy mother-son bond.” In other words, according to Colson, troublesome parent-child relationships are at the root of homosexuality.
Colson based his program on a book by Joseph and Linda Nicolosi, titled A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. In their book, the Nicolosis assert that gender norms should be reinforced and fathers should help boys develop a strong sense of masculinity. In his talks on the subject, Nicolosi says that fathers and mothers play differently with their children and he lauds the rougher manner of fathers. For instance, in a 2006 talk on the roots of male homosexuality, I heard Nicolosi describe how some fathers playfully toss their infant sons in the air. Nicolosi then joked that if the father did not catch his son and the infant fell and cracked his head, that the son might have brain damage, “but at least he won’t be gay.”
Ann, we will have to agree to disagree. Poor judgment, in this case, is an excuse for downright unacceptable behavior: behavior which gives anyone a clue as to this person’s actual feelings toward gay persons.
When we mock someone in crude ways, it tells anyone listening what we truly mean. As a gay, Christian woman, I can forgive him for this egregious behavior; but, I certainly will disregard any notion that he has the “best interests of any gay person” at heart. I was leery about NARTH to begin with: this has pushed me over-the-edge as to their credibility.
Rhetorical.
“Don’t try it at home” seems to propose that fathers never ever ought to playfully toss their infant sons into the air -, because, oh my God, they might crack their head.
I suppose it must only be done by a certificated therapist oder under control of a public institution.
I think it speaks to an attitude that is troubling.
These sort of jokes are not isolated incidents. When Jimmy Swaggart said “If [a gay man] ever looks at me like that, I’m going to kill him and tell God he died”, he was joking. Nicolosi was joking. These kinda jokes are not at all rare.
And truly, Swaggart does not condone murder. Nicolosi does not think it better to drop a kid on its head.
But they are speaking rhetorically about what they do believe: that gay people are foreign, peculiar, abhorrent people. And jokes about such people are acceptable because, well, no one is really offended. Good folk know that gays are abominations and (ask Colson) gays know it too. It’s just the moral order of the universe.
It’s like jokes about what you’d do to Hitler or Osama Ben Ladin.
Nicolosi and Swaggart (and many others) think that gay people are agreed-upon hate objects. So these jokes are fine, and funny. Even last night, Nicolosi told AC360 that “there’s more pressure not to be gay out there than in this office”.
Ann, I’m a bit bewildered how you can cut slack to Dr. Nicolosi on his remark. The man is a professional who should know better. He’s a therapist who has been trained to know that “some words can kill”. This is what the man does for a living. It indeed is a reflection on Nicolosi’s attitude toward gays. Why do we think he’s a big shooter in the ‘ex-gay’ movement … because he loves gays? Really? Are we going to trot out the old “he loves the sinner, but hates the sin”.
Read that sentence again and try that with Kirk or Matthew Shepherd.
Teresa,
I am not saying that poor judgment is an excuse for unacceptable behavior. I said it does not make up the totality of a person. His comment was very hurtful to many people, and there is no excuse for that, nor am I trying to absolve him of it.
Teresa,
I pointed out that he used poor judgment as most professionals have done at one time or another and that I do not think it should reflect the totality of him as a therapist or otherwise. Are your other questions posed to me or are they rhetorical?
Holding that one example against either one, as has been done, is not a reflection of Michael Jackson as a father or Dr. Nicolosi as a therapist.
Dr. Throckmorton,
I “think” what Suzie is referring to is the “dropping on the head” example which Dr. Nicolosi used in a speech.
Ann – I agree. But I don’t see why that is irrelevant when we are talking about advice he gives. I think the example speaks to his approach to the subject and his attitude toward gays.
Suzie Joe – Why is it irrelevant?
Including that anecdote was a pretty cheap way to attack Nicolosi on an irrelevancy.
I think people will take from what Michael Jackson did and what Dr. Nicolosi said to bolster their dislikes for either one – albeit I doubt whether either did or said anything to intentional harm. Both used poor judgment – as we all have at one time or another.
I guess Nicolosi was then all for Michael Jackson hanging his baby son over that Berlin balcony railing.
“Don’t try it at home” seems to propose that fathers never ever ought to playfully toss their infant sons into the air -, because, oh my God, they might crack their head.
I suppose it must only be done by a certificated therapist oder under control of a public institution.
Teresa,
I am not saying that poor judgment is an excuse for unacceptable behavior. I said it does not make up the totality of a person. His comment was very hurtful to many people, and there is no excuse for that, nor am I trying to absolve him of it.
Ann, we will have to agree to disagree. Poor judgment, in this case, is an excuse for downright unacceptable behavior: behavior which gives anyone a clue as to this person’s actual feelings toward gay persons.
When we mock someone in crude ways, it tells anyone listening what we truly mean. As a gay, Christian woman, I can forgive him for this egregious behavior; but, I certainly will disregard any notion that he has the “best interests of any gay person” at heart. I was leery about NARTH to begin with: this has pushed me over-the-edge as to their credibility.
Rhetorical.
Teresa,
I pointed out that he used poor judgment as most professionals have done at one time or another and that I do not think it should reflect the totality of him as a therapist or otherwise. Are your other questions posed to me or are they rhetorical?
I think it speaks to an attitude that is troubling.
These sort of jokes are not isolated incidents. When Jimmy Swaggart said “If [a gay man] ever looks at me like that, I’m going to kill him and tell God he died”, he was joking. Nicolosi was joking. These kinda jokes are not at all rare.
And truly, Swaggart does not condone murder. Nicolosi does not think it better to drop a kid on its head.
But they are speaking rhetorically about what they do believe: that gay people are foreign, peculiar, abhorrent people. And jokes about such people are acceptable because, well, no one is really offended. Good folk know that gays are abominations and (ask Colson) gays know it too. It’s just the moral order of the universe.
It’s like jokes about what you’d do to Hitler or Osama Ben Ladin.
Nicolosi and Swaggart (and many others) think that gay people are agreed-upon hate objects. So these jokes are fine, and funny. Even last night, Nicolosi told AC360 that “there’s more pressure not to be gay out there than in this office”.
Ann, I’m a bit bewildered how you can cut slack to Dr. Nicolosi on his remark. The man is a professional who should know better. He’s a therapist who has been trained to know that “some words can kill”. This is what the man does for a living. It indeed is a reflection on Nicolosi’s attitude toward gays. Why do we think he’s a big shooter in the ‘ex-gay’ movement … because he loves gays? Really? Are we going to trot out the old “he loves the sinner, but hates the sin”.
Read that sentence again and try that with Kirk or Matthew Shepherd.
Holding that one example against either one, as has been done, is not a reflection of Michael Jackson as a father or Dr. Nicolosi as a therapist.
I think people will take from what Michael Jackson did and what Dr. Nicolosi said to bolster their dislikes for either one – albeit I doubt whether either did or said anything to intentional harm. Both used poor judgment – as we all have at one time or another.
Ann – I agree. But I don’t see why that is irrelevant when we are talking about advice he gives. I think the example speaks to his approach to the subject and his attitude toward gays.
Dr. Throckmorton,
I “think” what Suzie is referring to is the “dropping on the head” example which Dr. Nicolosi used in a speech.
Suzie Joe – Why is it irrelevant?
Including that anecdote was a pretty cheap way to attack Nicolosi on an irrelevancy.
I guess Nicolosi was then all for Michael Jackson hanging his baby son over that Berlin balcony railing.