Category: Warren Throckmorton

This from an Exodus email alert:

Tune in tonight at 10:00 p.m. EST when CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 presents a feature show on the topic of homosexuality, the ex-gay movement and faith. The show will highlight Focus on the Family’s Love Won Out conference and will feature interviews with Exodus President Alan Chambers and Dr. Ken “Hutch” Hutcherson, featured speaker at this year’s Exodus conference and Senior Pastor of the Antioch Bible Church in Seattle, Washington.

An acquaintance sent this to me today. While not all readers will agree with each point, I thought it expressed one parent’s expression of love for his child while remaining aligned with a faith that does not affirm homosexuality. With permission of this man, I reproduce here the entire email. My thanks to the author for that permission.

Subject: Re: Reflections from a Dad

I went to the funeral yesterday to pay my respects to a friend of the family. I think it is times like this where I step back and reflect on life. So here are a few of my reflections during some quiet time this morning:

* First of all, this same-sex attraction (SSA) issue that my son is going through is NOT ABOUT ME.

* I am not and will not be angry at my son for his SSA. He DID NOT CHOOSE the feelings, but he is choosing to act on them. By the way,

the same way we choose to act on our feelings.

* I have to STOP focusing on changing him, that is NOT MY JOB. My job as a parent is to Love him to Christ.

* My prayer is that he continues to draw closer to the Lord and then God will do whatever he wants to do with my son’s life. It may mean

change his SSA, or it may mean that he chooses to live a different way.

* This SSA journey is not going to be over tomorrow. I can’t take it through drive thru and make it go away, I can’t take it to one hour

photo, I can’t take it to Fed Ex, and make it going away by 10 am tomorrow, I can’t put in the microwave and zap it, etc, etc, etc…I think

you get my point.

* The SSA feelings are probably NEVER going to go away for our children. They may choose to live a different lifestyle and not act on the SSA, but the feelings at some level will always be there for them.

* Lord, help me walk a day in my son’s shoes. Always worried about being judged, always worried about being disowned by friends and

family, not feeling welcomed in many, many, many churches, always being afraid to embrace his friend–worrying about what others might

think, worrying about safety.

* God is continuing to put on my heart that I should stop obsessing about my son’s SSA, and focus more on praying for him.

* I will not judge my son’s Christianity, I will not judge my son’s relationship with the Lord, I cannot and should not judge what is in his heart – – that is between he and God.

After all, did anyone PUSH me into Christianity? In the mid 90’s, I came to Christ because someone Loved me to Christ. He didn’t judge my sin, he didn’t question my salvation, he didn’t judge my life, he followed God’s call and he invited me…. That was all he did, Loved me and invited me to hear God’s message.

My Prayer: Lord, help me focus on my walk with you. Help me pray for others, not just my son with SSA, but my neighbors, co-workers, friends, other family and of course, Father, help me continue to lift up all the kids and adults struggling with SSA. Lord, help me make this not about me, but about the Faith, Hope and Love that only comes through knowing you.

Reflection from a Dad.

This is a seven minute clip of my hour long interview with Bob Spitzer in 2004. In this interview, he discusses the purpose of his study, why he believes the participants and what he learned. There is material here that was not in I Do Exist or in any previously released clips.

This two part series first focuses on Christianity and science and then apparently includes some discussion of sexuality and Christianity, probably on Thursday night.

Here is the description of tonight’s segment:

Big questions about how the universe came to be and how we got here. Science says one thing, the Bible says another. Can the two co-exist? “What is a Christian?” tonight, 10 ET

Reading this article in the New York Times made me think of some of the cases I have worked with involving teens and family disclosures of sexual attractions to others of the same sex.

Most stories of teens, sexual identity and religion of late involve references to live-in programs or parent-child discord. With permission from those involved, I want to briefly describe a situation that challenges several stereotypes. I am masking this to avoid identification but the basic points are right on. Scott (not his real name, of course) felt intense attractions to boys since he was in mid-elementary school. He was a well rounded boy who did well at any sport he tried, although he preferred individual sports. He also enjoyed singing, playing in the band, and acting in community plays. The younger of two boys, he loved his brother and they had a harmonious relationship. He recalls no sexual molestation.

In his early teens, he confided in his father (with whom he felt most comfortable) that he wasn’t getting “those feelings” for girls but that he was getting them toward certain boys. His dad was a sensitive and involved father who assured Scott of his love. Scott and his dad then told Scott’s mom who was upset but also reassured Scott that he was loved. In their discussions, they talked over what Scott thought about being attracted to the same sex. In addition to his other gifts, Scott demonstrated a devotion to his faith. He told his parents that he wanted to talk to a Christian counselor to ask some questions. They agreed and called me.

In the mean time, Scott parents contacted the local PFLAG chapter and attended a meeting. They wanted to talk to other parents who had conservative views about sexuality but had found ways to support and love their children. At least at this chapter, they did not find this. Instead, the participants said they would need to change their religious views because of their gay son. Otherwise, they were told, they would harm their son unless they began attending an affirming church. They did not go back.

For his part, Scott had some questions for me which surprised me. Was I one of those therapists who would tell him to just accept being gay? If I was, he said, he wanted to leave now. I assured him that I would take his values and beliefs seriously. Here is a long story, shortened: Scott was quite set against “being gay” but understood that, for him, being same-sex attracted was nothing anyone caused. He also did not have hopes that he could just change. Once he was assured I would not try to push him to come out, he asked questions about sexuality, maturation, and disclosure. In our visits, we discussed the social and identity issues probably most kids with attractions to the same sex experience – whether gay-identified or not. Scott believed he had lots of time to figure things out.

That was several years ago, and I am now aware that Scott’s beliefs about sexuality are essentially the same and have been integrated within a consistent worldview. Although he is not fond of labels, if pressed, he describes himself as bisexual and dates girls selectively. His parents have struggled with the typical theories of homosexuality and at times, been quite resentful of the church in their odyssey. They have been to an Exodus conference (which they loved) but cannot find a parent’s group they like.

Of course, this is a story in progress. I am not offering it as typical. In fact, when it comes to the relatively calm manner these folks handled the disclosure, sadly, it isn’t typical. However, in many respects, this seems to be a different path to a healthy sexual identity.