Not sure how you get three years of analysis in three weeks, but here is a little insight into Mr. Haggard’s rehab. Further, the overseers reveal in a Denver Post article that he now believes he is “completely heterosexual.” There’s your long term therapy, your brief therapy and now, your microwavable therapy. I guess the commercials are sometimes true: Life comes at you fast.
Category: Religion and sexuality
More on sexual identity therapy and values
Emails are running mostly positive regarding the sexual identity therapy paradigm. Used by permission, here is a reaction to the column, A Valued Life:
Good morning Dr. Throckmorton:
As a 63 year old man who has struggled with same sex sexual attractions for as long as I can remember, I found the subject of the article [A Valued Life] refreshing and insightful. Like Jim, my family background fits the stereotypical view concerning bonding with the same sex parent. My father was emotionally distant as well as being verbally and physically abusive with strong opinions on what it means to be a man. No matter how hard I tried, I could not live up to his preconceived image and eventually gave up trying to change myself to conform to that image. Also like Jim, I fervently prayed that God would “snap His fingers” and “make me normal”. However, unlike Jim when God did not respond with affirmative action, I rejected my religion for over 20 years by fully accepting my gay orientation as innate, immutable, and probably genetic.
Without going into details at age 40, I became disillusioned with gay life and again turned to God to change me and again did not get the desired response. Like Jim, I sought help from the institutional church and ex-gay ministries with disastrous results. The institutional church is not equipped to deal with those dealing with same sex sexual attractions and most ex-gay ministries promote a “cure†without calling change a “cureâ€. Unlike Jim I never sought professional help. I had several friends who were psychiatrists or psychologists and all of them took one of two positions. One is that it is impossible to change your orientation therefore just accept it. This position is in direct opposition to my faith. The other position was that change is not only possible but mandatory to live a life acceptable to God. This position is Pollyannaish and denies the reality of dealing with SSA on a personal level. I do not know of any mental health professional who expects straight men to live “perfect†lives just as I do not know of any institutional church that denies straight men “covet†women other than their wives. Although I do know a couple of ex-gays who have lost all attraction to other men the vast majority still deal with the attractions on some level.
Long story short, I came to understand what Paul meant when God‘s response to his thorn in the flesh was: “My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness.†“Going straight†is only a dream for most who deal with SSA, but living a valued life is an obtainable goal. Over the last 23+ years my attractions to men have diminished and I am no longer obsessed by the desire to be with another man. And to my surprise I now find women attractive but have no desire to complicate my life with marriage. Celibacy is not only attainable but can contribute to a valued life that is free from sexual tension (most of the time). For some of us who struggle God’s answer is celibacy, which frees us up to concentrate on exercising our talents in areas of life that can and do replace sexual intimacy. Emotional intimacy as an aim is underrated by the institutional church and seems to be totally ignored by the gay lobby. A hug from a true friend of the same sex is more powerful than those who are sexually active will ever understand. Our society has equated love with sex, God equates love with actions that benefit our fellow man. It takes time and effort to transition from “eros†to “agapaoâ€, however the transition is worth the peace of mind.
Sincerely: (Name removed by request of the author)
Venus Magazine publisher no longer identifies as lesbian
The Windy City Times has this story about the religious conversion of publisher Charlene Cothran and her intent to make Venus Magazine take an ex-gay focus.
Venus Magazine, a publication that for 13 years targeted the Black gay and lesbian community, is now a voice for the ex-gay movement.
Its publisher, Charlene Cothran, recently announced that she has been “redeemedâ€; is no longer a lesbian; and is changing the mission and direction of the magazine. On the Web site she writes, “As the publisher of a 13-year-old periodical [ that ] targets Black gays and lesbians, I have had the opportunity to publicly address thousands, influencing closeted people to ‘come out’ and stand up for them selves, which is particularly difficult in the African-American community.
“But now, I must come out of the closet again. I have recently experienced the power of change that came over me once I completely surrendered to the teachings of Jesus Christ. As a believe of the word of God, I fully accept and have always known that same-sex relationships are not what God intended for us.â€
This story reminded me of David Benkof’s story (then David Bianco). His return to Orthodox Judiasm led to the sale of the “Q Syndicate” and a significant life change. The last time I talked to David, he continued in his religious studies and pursuit of heterosexuality.
PS – I did not realize when I posted this that this story is old news, first reported in 10/06.
UPDATE: 2/9/07 – Ms. Cothran’s magazine has a blog with some current commentary about her changes.
Sexual identity model discussion: Values vs. change
There is an interesting discussion going on at ExGayWatch about an op-ed (A Valued Life) I posted elsewhere. Another article posted on my website is called Why Do I Have These Feelings? This piece is similar to a previous blog post but takes a different approach to the question. These two articles attempt to flesh out in a column format some of my thinking regarding ways to think about and respond to sexual identity conflict.
Donnie Davies and Joey Oglesby: Long lost twins?
A Weirder than Fiction Exclusive…
Dallas, Tx (WTF) – A touching and bittersweet reunion was held here today in Dallas between local actor, Joey Oglesby, and recently famous Internet musician and youth pastor, Donnie Davies. Mr. Davies and Mr. Oglesby believe they are identical twins separated at birth and have lived in the same state off and on for most of their lives.
Mr. Davies has recently become a Internet sensation with his music video, The Bible Says, which uses epithets offensive to gays throughout the song. The video and song created a firestorm in blogosphere and set off a hunt for the elusive Mr. Davies. The search for Mr. Davies led to Dallas actor, Joey Oglesby due to their uncanny resemblance. Mr. Oglesby insists he is not the enigmatic Mr. Davies.
Instead, the men think they are twins.
“I always thought I had a twin,” said Mr. Oglesby. “You know it’s just a feeling you have, then out of nowhere, Donnie ends up in my own back yard.”
Mr. Davies said, “Texas is a big ol’ state, much bigger than the state of New Orleans, where I lived for awhile. I’m excited and elated to meet my brother Joey. I hope this answers all my critics out there and will stop the heinous censorship of my videos.”
Twin expert, Dr. Joakim Bottoms, is intrigued. “We are awaiting DNA testing, but they sure look alike. And there are other similarities too. They both have a preoccupation with homosexuality, they are about the same build, are musical, like Cyndi Lauper and they both can dunk a basketball. That’s a combination of abilities you don’t see everyday.”
Mr. Oglesby is half of the famous Chicken and Pickle Guys comedy duet which has been described as “a comedy stew of dance, homophobic/gay experimentation, male chauvinism, obscure racism, and spiritual revelation.”
Mr. Davies similar controversial work can be seen at Donniedavies.com.
Joey Oglesby
Donnie Davies
UPDATE: 1/31/07 – Donnie speaks about his recent trials. Strangely, he fails to mention Joey.