Category: Religion and sexuality

Glamour magazine features ex-ex-gay

Glamour has a story about Christine Bakke, an alum of several ex-gay ministries, who is now ex-ex-gay. Although the brief historical review in the article is pointless fluff, the bulk of the piece reviews Ms. Bakke’s conflicts between her charismatic faith and upbringing, and her growing awareness of attractions to women.

There is much there of interest to those who work in this vineyard. Her experience made me wonder something that may be a point of discussion here. Perhaps it is an illusory correlation, but it appears to me that ex-ex-gay accounts often include some time in charismatic churches/ministries. Ms. Bakke was raised in such a home. I am not completely sure from the article where she now sees herself religiously, but my read between the lines makes me wonder if she could perhaps be described as “ex-charismatic” as well as ex-ex-gay.

Her story of being in a healing service and claiming her true nature as “the woman God created me to be” reminded me of the Montel segment where Peterson Toscano (also a partner in the beyondexgay.com venture) described his three exorcisms. I recall researching John Evans story and reading that he experienced “deliverance ministry” which yielded no such outcome.

I know I am venturing into deep waters here. Full disclosure; I am not a charismatic, never have been and am quite distrustful of “words of knowledge,” “deliverance ministry,” “inner healing prayer,” and the like. But with innocent curiosity, I raise a question for ex-gays and ex-ex-gays alike: Could it be that charismatically based expectations for dramatic, rapid and complete “healing” from same-sex attractions lead to unnecessary frustration, spiritual doubt and disillusionment? Another way of addressing the question might be: To properly conduct sexual identity ministry in the charismatic tradition, is it necessary to raise expectations of divine healing?

Open Thread: Anderson Cooper’s look at Sex and Salvation

The second half of the CNN two-part series, “What is a Christian?” aired tonight and examined abstinance, homosexuality, pornography and marital sexual relationships. Given the broad scope, I will open a thread for reactions related to any topic covered by the segment.

Comment away…

More on sexual identity and youth: Reflections from a dad

An acquaintance sent this to me today. While not all readers will agree with each point, I thought it expressed one parent’s expression of love for his child while remaining aligned with a faith that does not affirm homosexuality. With permission of this man, I reproduce here the entire email. My thanks to the author for that permission.

Subject: Re: Reflections from a Dad

I went to the funeral yesterday to pay my respects to a friend of the family. I think it is times like this where I step back and reflect on life. So here are a few of my reflections during some quiet time this morning:

* First of all, this same-sex attraction (SSA) issue that my son is going through is NOT ABOUT ME.

* I am not and will not be angry at my son for his SSA. He DID NOT CHOOSE the feelings, but he is choosing to act on them. By the way,

the same way we choose to act on our feelings.

* I have to STOP focusing on changing him, that is NOT MY JOB. My job as a parent is to Love him to Christ.

* My prayer is that he continues to draw closer to the Lord and then God will do whatever he wants to do with my son’s life. It may mean

change his SSA, or it may mean that he chooses to live a different way.

* This SSA journey is not going to be over tomorrow. I can’t take it through drive thru and make it go away, I can’t take it to one hour

photo, I can’t take it to Fed Ex, and make it going away by 10 am tomorrow, I can’t put in the microwave and zap it, etc, etc, etc…I think

you get my point.

* The SSA feelings are probably NEVER going to go away for our children. They may choose to live a different lifestyle and not act on the SSA, but the feelings at some level will always be there for them.

* Lord, help me walk a day in my son’s shoes. Always worried about being judged, always worried about being disowned by friends and

family, not feeling welcomed in many, many, many churches, always being afraid to embrace his friend–worrying about what others might

think, worrying about safety.

* God is continuing to put on my heart that I should stop obsessing about my son’s SSA, and focus more on praying for him.

* I will not judge my son’s Christianity, I will not judge my son’s relationship with the Lord, I cannot and should not judge what is in his heart – – that is between he and God.

After all, did anyone PUSH me into Christianity? In the mid 90’s, I came to Christ because someone Loved me to Christ. He didn’t judge my sin, he didn’t question my salvation, he didn’t judge my life, he followed God’s call and he invited me…. That was all he did, Loved me and invited me to hear God’s message.

My Prayer: Lord, help me focus on my walk with you. Help me pray for others, not just my son with SSA, but my neighbors, co-workers, friends, other family and of course, Father, help me continue to lift up all the kids and adults struggling with SSA. Lord, help me make this not about me, but about the Faith, Hope and Love that only comes through knowing you.

Reflection from a Dad.