I issued this call several days ago, and will probably do so again. I am looking for men and women who are same-sex attracted and in committed heterosexual relationships. I intend to extend the research to ex-ex-gay and straight people as well but for right now, I am collecting data via survey from those who are SSA and in straight relationships. Email [email protected] with “research study” in the subject line.
8 thoughts on “Call for research participants: The experience of heterosexuality”
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Eddy: NO. Never had sexual interest in my wife. I was told that those feelings would develop over time if I had enough faith. They encouraged me to “step out on faith”. I know you think I should have known better, but I was very young, a fairly new Christian, very confused and wanted desperately to believe it would happen.
I know you probably don’t believe a lot of what I am saying, but I am telling the absolute truth about my experience. I have nothing to gain by lying. Instead of trying to negate what I am saying, and what other “ex-gay survivors” are saying about feeling shunned, blamed and rejected, why not give them the benefit of the doubt and listen — like Wendy Gritter seems to be doing?
I behaved bisexually, I was married heterosexually, but I was and still am 100% gay. When I finally accepted that incovenient truth, one EXODUS leader, often credited with creating EXODUS, sent me a detailed letter about the flames of Hell. Felt like shunning to me.
Michael–
Please give an example of when an Exodus leader gave the impression that their bisexuality made them morally superior. (I remember getting that impression from one leader, in particular, but didn’t pick up on it from most.)
You say that you’ve never experienced bisexual attractions and yet you were married for several years. Did you enter marriage with no sexual attraction for your wife whatsoever? I want to respect your privacy and better understand bisexual–what it is and what it isn’t–at the same time.
EXODUS leaders admit to bisexual attractions — something I have never experienced. They also give the impression that this is somehow morally superor to having only gay attractions. I don’t get that.
Michael,
I’m not sure if my opinion really matters but I just want to tell you that no one is morally superior to you or anyone else, in any way, based on their feelings or attractions or what they portray them to be. If more of us were forthcoming about our secret desires (infidelity, lying, stealing, glutony, greed, pride, etc.), perhaps it would give pause to fully understand that none of us are morally superior to another.
My heart has always been with the individual who is suffering from unwanted same gender attractions and wants to understand and modify them in any way they can. That individual feels a huge conflict with their values and these desires and want reconciliation. I am grateful for Dr. Throckmorton and the SIT and others who support this way of thinking. There is plenty of support and encouragement for those who are content with their same gender attractions and I am happy for them.
We should all remember that none of us are impervious to the pain incurred when our best efforts have not met the expectations of others – it is especially cruel when we ask for understanding and it is met with questions regarding our efforts – what is important is that we are all evolving in a myriad of ways and according to our uniqueness and that cannot ever be diminished by anyone.
I agree with you, Ann. EXODUS leaders admit to bisexual attractions — something I have never experienced. They also give the impression that this is somehow morally superor to having only gay attractions. I don’t get that.
I know of no married “ex-gay” who is now truly heterosexual
Michael,
It’s a great big world out there and perhaps there is some but what is probably more relevant is that they are not truly homosexual either.
Michael – being heterosexually attracted may make an SSA person bisexual but it still is opposite sex attraction. Without giving too much info, I can’t say much more but I can say that this is primarily a study of how SSA people experience heterosexual relationships and their attractions to the opposite sex. It will not address every relevant question but will address some that have not been previously examined.
Joe – I was not aware that Craig’s List publicized calls for research. I am not opposed to that at all. Also, there will be outreach beyond the blog.
I don’t know if referring to this as “the experience of heteosexuality” is accurate. I know of no married “ex-gay” who is now truly heterosexual. He may be “living heterosexually” or “in a committed hetersexual relationship” or even “making a heterosexual adaptation” — but “heterosexual” in the sense of being attracted sexually, romantically, erotically and emotionally exclusively towards the opposite sex? Nope. They all admit to being attracted to both sexes. That’s not heterosexuality.
Warren,
WIll you be soliciting more mainstream sources for this information? Say, Craigs list or more national resources so that the data you get is more randomized?