Hollywood, CA (TSN) – In a surprise move, Matt Damon declared his intention to run for President in 2012. Damon, who announced his bid on Youtube, cited Sarah Palin as an inspiration.
“Look, it just makes sense. If Sarah Palin can run for Vice-President, which is like a really bad Disney movie, then why not me running for President? Crap, I’ve actually made some really bad movies, so I’m even more qualified than she is.”
Damon, who is an Obama supporter, said he would only run in 2012 if Obama fails in his bid this time around. Damon explained, “I think I could take him, but Obama is the most qualified in this race to hold the nuclear codes since he doesn’t know when life begins but he probably knows when dinosaurs were on earth. You know, Palin thinks dinosaurs were on earth, like 4,000 years ago. I wouldn’t trust anyone with nuclear codes who thinks that.”
Damon, who has criticized Sarah Palin as being just a hockey mom, said he is infinitely more qualified to stand up to world leaders, like Russia’s Vladimir Putin.
“Hey, I took Sarah Silverman away from Jimmie Kimmel so I figure I can stand up to Putin.”
Damon is willing to use his own resources to fund his campaign, saying, “I would have paid like a million dollars to get Kerry elected in ’04, so who knows how much I’ll spend on myself.”
In an unconventional move, Damon says Arianna Huffington would be on his Veep short list.
On the web: Matt Damon speaks out about Sarah Palin
Category: Lame attempts at humor
The return of Donnie Davies
Can he recapture the magic?
Donnie Davies has been in a quiet season but is back with a new video and he says a whole new album is ready for release.
Donnie Davies – Take My Hand from Donnie Davies on Vimeo.
Donnie broke on the scene back in January of 2007 and had lots of attention with his The Bible Says video and CHOPS programs.
In this season of Obama and Palin, Donnie has a lot to overcome to get on many radar screens. But he has got a new Myspace page (the real Donnie) and seems ready for another stab at the limelight. Who knows maybe Donnie will run for president before this is over.
A little keffiyeh with your coffee, Ms. Ray?
Note to Sally Kern, the real threat to this nation is a Dunkin’ Donut commercial.
Just because now and then we need to see what the rest of blogosphere is buzzing about. Makes our conversations seem so insignificant, eh?
PA bowlers unimpressed with Obama; Clinton gets one pin
Kegler vote may roll away from Obama and Clinton
ALTOONA, PA – WTHN – Campaigning in Altoona, Pennsylvania, Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama may have significantly injured his chances in the Pennsylvania primary with a dismal performance on the lanes. Obama characteristically upbeat, raised expectations when he complimented the Pleasant Valley Bowl saying, “Those are some fine bowling shoes!” Asked if his campaign team could beat the Clinton in bowling, Obama said convincingly, “Yes, we can!”
Despite the upbeat predictions, Obama managed only a 37 (out of 300). Said one local Democrat on condition of anonymity, “He may not even get 37% of the primary vote with that kind of score.”
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was caught in another questionable story, this time about her bowling prowess. Hearing that Obama had bowled so poorly in PA, Hillary said she had much more bowling experience than her rival. “I will be ready to take the lanes on day one,” Clinton said, striking a familiar campaign theme. “We had a bowling alley in the White House where I bowled in the cooks and housekeepers weekly league. Once I even bowled two perfect games in a row,” she claimed.
However, later on the Ellen DeGeneres show, Mrs. Clinton could only manage one pin. A subsequent check of White House bowling records revealed no score over 100. A Clinton spokes person later said Mrs. Clinton “misspoke” and that she meant to say she had bowled all ten frames in the games in question. “Perfect attendance is what she was referring to,” said the campaign.
iPods may cause homosexuality?
Of course, why didn’t we see this!? Scientists at the Harrington Institute have located what might be the single biggest factor associated with homosexuality in the modern world today – Brilliant White iPods.
Some people think it is soy products, but this may be the lead we have all been looking for…
Of course, iPods have been a problem for a long time.
(Pssst – Look at the date today)