Comments on: Is coming out always best?

By: Zoe Brain

Zoe Brain — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

The average age that Gay kids are kicked out of home in 14 years. The average age Trans kids are kicked out of home in 13 years and 5 months.
Coming out can lead to assaults, and in extreme cases, rape and murder by parents. We know from testimony by Trans kids who survived attempted murder that some at least of those who “run away from home” are killed, and their bodies secretly buried. Honour killings don’t just happen overseas.
In highly religious families, the danger is far, far greater.

By: Lynn David

Lynn David — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

There is coming out and then there is COMING OUT. And I’m not sure whiich is which sometimes. There is that aspect of that personal cognizance of just who you are and acceptance of yourself. But it can get mixed up sometimes, especially when you are young and still wondering, questioning, with external acceptance from those you respect, love, or are friends.
So, coming out is best done first to one’s own self. To me that is COMING OUT. You are never in a closet if you’ve come out to yourself. Then coming out may be difficult, but you have the surety of one’s own mind.
But I am arguing from one aspect of what can be a myriad of situations. The process of coming out has similar aspects for everyone, but very personal aspects which demand consideration. 1968 was not a good year to come out; but certainly 2011 is a much better one. So I would agree that coming out is generally a step to the good.

By: Richard Willmer

Richard Willmer — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

You’re too right, Teresa!
As for ‘coming out’: is it always best? I very much doubt it.

By: Zoe Brain

Zoe Brain — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

Stephen – I’m no christian. I also don’t know your circumstances. Forgiveness requires repentance and restitution too.
But.. “Forgive us, as we forgive those who trespass against us”.
You survived him – so you’ve had your revenge. If he’s willing to ask forgiveness, then I ask you to accept his apology, not that I have any right to ask you for anything.
In my experience, Life’s too short not to forgive. I hope to be forgiven for my own failings, I have enough of them, but hope is all it is. All I can do is try to deserve forgiveness, whether granted or not.

By: stephen

stephen — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

The single most important aspect of our great victory in NY is the fact that men and women came out to their families who could no longer support laws that vilified them. Our legislators heard from their families and could no longer defend their prejudices. So yes, coming out is always good.
If your family can’t handle it then leave them in the dust. I had to do that with my father. My husband tries to make me make up with him but I never will. I was defenseless and he tried to destroy me.
Those who live their lives honestly always feel better than those shivering in the closet.

By: Teresa

Teresa — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

Zoe stated:

I’m no christian. I also don’t know your circumstances. Forgiveness requires repentance and restitution too. …
All I can do is try to deserve forgiveness, whether granted or not.

It continues to amaze me that many non-Christians act more in accord with true Christianity than most of us Christians.
Why is that? Where have we gone wrong?

By: Madison

Madison — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

This reads a little too much like a pamphlet from TWO. I wonder what the researchers’ hypothesis was before embarking on the research? Actually, I don’t wonder…they were obviously trying to find what they supposedly found.
And I’m not sure how many claims they can make about being in the closet since none of the subjects were such. This is what passes for research these days at “one of the nation’s leading private universities”?

By: Zoe Brain

Zoe Brain — Wed, 30 May 2018 19:11:51 +0000

By teasing out the effects of different contexts, this study shows that "environment plays a huge role in determining when coming out actually makes you happier," says Nicole Legate, a doctoral student at the University of Rochester, who led the study with Ryan and Netta Weinstein from the University of Essex in England. Among accepting groups, individuals experience significant psychological payback from being open about their sexual identity. But among hostile groups, the costs and stigma of identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual cancel out these benefits. In judgmental contexts, "those who come out may actually feel no better than those who conceal," says Legate.

By: Richard Willmer

Richard Willmer — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 06:03:01 +0000

You’re too right, Teresa!
As for ‘coming out’: is it always best? I very much doubt it.

By: Teresa

Teresa — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 04:58:20 +0000

Zoe stated:

I’m no christian. I also don’t know your circumstances. Forgiveness requires repentance and restitution too. …
All I can do is try to deserve forgiveness, whether granted or not.

It continues to amaze me that many non-Christians act more in accord with true Christianity than most of us Christians.
Why is that? Where have we gone wrong?