Please don’t think you have to have any or all of the answers. None of us do. Also, I agree with Dave about being easier on yourself.

These words settled well into my heart and I think they are worth focusing on:

It is not passing judgment to have a conviction or a belief about the morals of this or that issue. It is what we do with those convictions and the length we take with them that can move us from the conviction / belief stage to the judgmental stage. Otherwise no one would be able to preach about anything and scripture would be at fault for pointing out our sins.

Sometimes the only way to win is not to play. Surrender but keep your faith.

There is a woman who blogs about ex gays and when I have tried to respond to her, she goes in circuitous arguments. If I focus on just myself and my beliefs she accusses me of being self centered. If I focus on being a gay rights supporter she says that my very existence contradicts that and that my life is hurting and damaging gay people. If I focus on people being tolerant she claims there is no place for tolerance for ex gays. She just refuses every hand out to make friends.

She calls my faith a lot of things. Even though I have never argued biblical theologies with her, she makes a lot of assumptions. She assumes I have a perspective of the bible that is consistent with other conservatives that she has met . And she refuses to see anything new or different. She is so angry that she does not want my existence to even be. In a way, she is exactly like the ignorant Christians whom she hates so much. It is sad to see people hurting so much that they remain closed minded. But I’ve learned – as it is advised in the bible not to argue with the Pharisees. I simply hold to my beliefs. I love them anyhow.

Finding a church…

The congregation is more important than the denomination. Each denomination has a lot of diversity. Suburban churches tend to be homogenous and emphasize marriage and child-rearing. Downtown churches tend to be diverse, and in a large metro area have a large number of gay members.

For example, the suburban Methodist megachurch nearby assigns all roles to married couples, whom they expect to function as if they were joined at the hip. I know the clergy there, and they aren’t aware that they are doing that. Another Methodist church nearby doesn’t pair people up. It has a congregation that is politically conservative and rabidly homophobic. Finally,Foundry United Methodist Church downtown, which Bill and Hillary Clinton attended every Sunday, advertises itself as gay-friendly. (Maybe they should advertise themselves as heterosexual friendly.) The congregation is indifferent to whether a couple is gay or not. It’s evident to a visitor by the way they interact.

All three congregations are theologically moderate; this shows mainly social and demographic diversity in the same denomination.

Visit several churches before choosing one, but visit each one three times.