I didn’t take Warren’s term “spousosexual” as an attempt to establish yet another category of sexual orientation. I believe he’s simply naming one part of a reality often discussed on this site: Some individuals with a clear homosexual orientation can respond sexually in a particular heterosexual relationship, but that does NOT mean they have actually changed their orientation.

Warren has raised this point before to acknowledge the shortcoming in many ex-gay claims about “change.” As in–“Look at me, I’m married with kids, so obviously my orientation has changed.” We all know that in many (if not most) of those cases the person’s primary sexual attractions remain focused on the same sex, even though he/she manages to function “spousosexually.”

Those of us ex-ex-gays who had relatively successful marriages despite our orientation have been saying this a long time. I’ve been bemused by how often my own account of myself is disputed by other gay people, who will tell me that if I enjoyed sex with my wife, I must actually be bisexual. A true gay man could never have sustained a sexually active marriage for 25 years!

What would they say about my partner? He came out as gay while he was in high school, and has never identified as anything other than 100% homosexual. Yet he got married at 19, was married 14 years, has a son, and remains extremely close to his ex-wife.

In his case, marriage was not an attempt to change orientation, but a publicity ploy for his business. He and his wife worked in fashion, and someone wanted to market them as a “designing couple.”

(Their families all knew the full story, by the way. When her father learned of their wedding plans, he said, “Honey, do you realize this makes you a fag hag?”)

It was a surprise to them when, months after the wedding, they developed a sexual relationship. Even so she always acknowledged that he was gay, and their marriage remained fundamentally rooted in their business. When they eventually divorced, it was not over homosexuality but because he decided to change careers.

My own view, based on my own experience, my partner’s, and many other friends, is that the success of mixed-orientation marriages depends greatly on the expectations both partners bring to it. I think the tragedy that eventually befalls so many of these marriages, including my own, is rooted in the false hope that marriage will change the gay partner’s orientation.

In fact, it seems like he does not have that “spousosexual” make up some SSA men have.

I do not understand what you mean. What is this “make up” and what makes him different? That he do not say he is/was heterosexual?

In fact, it seems like he does not have that “spousosexual” make up some SSA men have.

I do not understand what you mean. What is this “make up” and what makes him different? That he do not say he is/was heterosexual?

An issue that is worthy of being examined closely, however, is the danger of a person who has gone through a struggle as significant as Swilley’s coming out as someone whose giftedness (anointing) is seen as superior because of the struggle, thereby giving him a special mandate. Swilley can show us what grace looks like, and we need that. But he is otherwise on thin ice just now. It remains to be seen where he will take this as a leader within one part of the Church. He must be very careful to keep the tendency to be smug and prideful under God’s grace.

Also, while he apparently is in no current same-sex relationship, he did give a voice to at least one person in his congregation who is. So what he is saying though that? What implications for the body of Christ lie therein? That is still an area where there is a great divide in the Church.

An issue that is worthy of being examined closely, however, is the danger of a person who has gone through a struggle as significant as Swilley’s coming out as someone whose giftedness (anointing) is seen as superior because of the struggle, thereby giving him a special mandate. Swilley can show us what grace looks like, and we need that. But he is otherwise on thin ice just now. It remains to be seen where he will take this as a leader within one part of the Church. He must be very careful to keep the tendency to be smug and prideful under God’s grace.

Also, while he apparently is in no current same-sex relationship, he did give a voice to at least one person in his congregation who is. So what he is saying though that? What implications for the body of Christ lie therein? That is still an area where there is a great divide in the Church.