Thanks for the follow-up. I a back to back today and tomorrow and want to follow up. I have read your note and see that you carefully crafted this follow-up response.

You used the phrase “What kind of people patiently plan and then wait for such a person’s failure?” Not “What kind of person…” which implies that gay men in general are being condemned. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean to be condemnatory or impute motives to anyone. Comments make one sound more emphatic than is necessarily the case. I only remarked on this because I found the man’s life and death deserving of pity and perhaps his example might encourage some to broaden their perspective.

I use the term ex-gay industry because it is run for profit by people who are completely without professional credentials. It is a branch of the personal actualization industry, just more narrowly focused. No research supports its claims, in fact the reverse is true, but yet we still have to endure the constant rehashing of Nicolosi and Cameron’s nonsense. Reality doesn’t seem to matter. The term SSA doesn’t exist anywhere outside the ex-gay industry and is entirely polluted by it. I would suggest that this notion that women are more fluid in their sexuality is mostly cultural given a circumstantial boost by the biological fact that it is easier for a woman to fake interest in a man than the other way round. Personally, I look forward to the day when we can move past these severely limiting terms, when sexuality can be allowed to be an aspect of a life and not its defining feature. But so long as so many people make such a good living off it I fear that won’t happen soon.

Maggie Gallagher is very much to the point. She is an aspect of what we have to endure on a daily basis. And since she’s always talking about God why would I not reckon her to be a Christian and therefor a vocal spokesperson for the overwhelming majority that tries to harm my life. A majority that clearly harmed this poor man’s life and caused him to kill himself rather than admit he was gay. That is the problem.

Thanks for the follow-up. I a back to back today and tomorrow and want to follow up. I have read your note and see that you carefully crafted this follow-up response.

You used the phrase “What kind of people patiently plan and then wait for such a person’s failure?” Not “What kind of person…” which implies that gay men in general are being condemned. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean to be condemnatory or impute motives to anyone. Comments make one sound more emphatic than is necessarily the case. I only remarked on this because I found the man’s life and death deserving of pity and perhaps his example might encourage some to broaden their perspective.

I use the term ex-gay industry because it is run for profit by people who are completely without professional credentials. It is a branch of the personal actualization industry, just more narrowly focused. No research supports its claims, in fact the reverse is true, but yet we still have to endure the constant rehashing of Nicolosi and Cameron’s nonsense. Reality doesn’t seem to matter. The term SSA doesn’t exist anywhere outside the ex-gay industry and is entirely polluted by it. I would suggest that this notion that women are more fluid in their sexuality is mostly cultural given a circumstantial boost by the biological fact that it is easier for a woman to fake interest in a man than the other way round. Personally, I look forward to the day when we can move past these severely limiting terms, when sexuality can be allowed to be an aspect of a life and not its defining feature. But so long as so many people make such a good living off it I fear that won’t happen soon.

Maggie Gallagher is very much to the point. She is an aspect of what we have to endure on a daily basis. And since she’s always talking about God why would I not reckon her to be a Christian and therefor a vocal spokesperson for the overwhelming majority that tries to harm my life. A majority that clearly harmed this poor man’s life and caused him to kill himself rather than admit he was gay. That is the problem.

I am not saying he was entrapped; I am saying that love whether gay or straight is an incredibly vulnerable act.

The treachery, as far as I am concerned, is when a person involved in an emotional relationship (that may be also sexual) uses that relationship to publicly shame someone. Especially where there is a disproportionate ability to harm someone with much greater to lose.

A straight friend of mine once said, “I made sure when I had affairs to do so with someone who had just as much to lose as I did, because I knew the urge to punish and humiliate gets triggered in forbidden love, of all kinds.”

Seeing Dugan’s life as sad is…odd. His whole life? I am sad he hid, that no one even knew this part of him and could have supported him. I am sad that at a time of terror, when his secret was about to be revealed for the most base reasons, that he did not have a confidant to tell him, “this is survivable, you deserve grace, maybe it is time to let even more people care for you.”

Sad for his whole life? I am sad he was alone with his fears and disgust for his whole life.

I do not subscribe to the notions of an ex-gay “industry.”

SSA is a valuable term for a variety of reasons (as sexuality is more fluid in women and there are people who publicly identify as SSA without shame in Christian circles). That being said, I do not wish to deemphasize the power and centrality of sexual attractions for manay and a person’s right and need to build a meaningful identity around the labels gay and lesbian.

Maggie Gallagher…

Maybe we can separate these discussions out…which I think would be more fruitful.

However, I would hope that some lessons might be learned from Rev Dugan’s sad life and sadder death. The first might be understanding the toxicity of the closet. Another might be to finally grasp how ridiculous is the notion that one’s sexuality is a matter of ‘choice’ – here was a man who spent his life trying not to be what he was. Think how different his life might have been had been able to be honest about himself and share his life with another man who cared for him and to whom he could have been married. I find it hard to believe that he was ‘forced’ to do the things he claimed. Perhaps he was, though it sounds unlikely. What a pity that David Blakeslee should characterize this as ‘treachery’ when really he doesn’t know. Perhaps it was different, perhaps the reverend was too ashamed to be able to admit to his own actions. I don’t know. But I’m saddened that those speaking of him should be so quick to condemn same-sex relationships. In this story we are asked to believe that he was in fact entrapped by another gay man. In Mr. Blakeslee’s account clearly the gays are the villains. “What kind of people patiently plan and then wait for such a person’s failure?” This is not acceptable. “That man cajoled him into leaving specific kinds of sexual fantasies on his answering machine, and then betrayed him by setting up a meeting at an adult bookstore”. This makes no sense whatsoever. Who is ever ‘forced’ to leave messages on another’s answering machine and what kind of ‘meeting’ could take place at an adult bookstore?

So can we read about this man and stop with the language of the ex-gay industry? The use of the nonsensical ‘SSA’, for example? If you set out to make someone believe that their most intimate and profound feelings are sick and shameful you can’t then be surprised when, after a lifetime of torment, they kill themselves. Now think of all the teenagers whose lives are so poisoned by the rants of Maggie Gallagher and her ilk that they can’t face living. She is bringing her humbuggery to Albany soon and I must be faced in the state where I live and pay taxes with the lies put out by a Catholic groups funded by Mormons: NOM.

I’ve spent some time thinking about and writing this comment. I rarely bother but despite the intense irritation I feel at some of the comment I think on the whole the regulars here are intelligent and well-meaning people. I would beg you to read over the accounts of this case, it’s well worth your time, and think of the implications.

I am not saying he was entrapped; I am saying that love whether gay or straight is an incredibly vulnerable act.

The treachery, as far as I am concerned, is when a person involved in an emotional relationship (that may be also sexual) uses that relationship to publicly shame someone. Especially where there is a disproportionate ability to harm someone with much greater to lose.

A straight friend of mine once said, “I made sure when I had affairs to do so with someone who had just as much to lose as I did, because I knew the urge to punish and humiliate gets triggered in forbidden love, of all kinds.”

Seeing Dugan’s life as sad is…odd. His whole life? I am sad he hid, that no one even knew this part of him and could have supported him. I am sad that at a time of terror, when his secret was about to be revealed for the most base reasons, that he did not have a confidant to tell him, “this is survivable, you deserve grace, maybe it is time to let even more people care for you.”

Sad for his whole life? I am sad he was alone with his fears and disgust for his whole life.

I do not subscribe to the notions of an ex-gay “industry.”

SSA is a valuable term for a variety of reasons (as sexuality is more fluid in women and there are people who publicly identify as SSA without shame in Christian circles). That being said, I do not wish to deemphasize the power and centrality of sexual attractions for manay and a person’s right and need to build a meaningful identity around the labels gay and lesbian.

Maggie Gallagher…

Maybe we can separate these discussions out…which I think would be more fruitful.

However, I would hope that some lessons might be learned from Rev Dugan’s sad life and sadder death. The first might be understanding the toxicity of the closet. Another might be to finally grasp how ridiculous is the notion that one’s sexuality is a matter of ‘choice’ – here was a man who spent his life trying not to be what he was. Think how different his life might have been had been able to be honest about himself and share his life with another man who cared for him and to whom he could have been married. I find it hard to believe that he was ‘forced’ to do the things he claimed. Perhaps he was, though it sounds unlikely. What a pity that David Blakeslee should characterize this as ‘treachery’ when really he doesn’t know. Perhaps it was different, perhaps the reverend was too ashamed to be able to admit to his own actions. I don’t know. But I’m saddened that those speaking of him should be so quick to condemn same-sex relationships. In this story we are asked to believe that he was in fact entrapped by another gay man. In Mr. Blakeslee’s account clearly the gays are the villains. “What kind of people patiently plan and then wait for such a person’s failure?” This is not acceptable. “That man cajoled him into leaving specific kinds of sexual fantasies on his answering machine, and then betrayed him by setting up a meeting at an adult bookstore”. This makes no sense whatsoever. Who is ever ‘forced’ to leave messages on another’s answering machine and what kind of ‘meeting’ could take place at an adult bookstore?

So can we read about this man and stop with the language of the ex-gay industry? The use of the nonsensical ‘SSA’, for example? If you set out to make someone believe that their most intimate and profound feelings are sick and shameful you can’t then be surprised when, after a lifetime of torment, they kill themselves. Now think of all the teenagers whose lives are so poisoned by the rants of Maggie Gallagher and her ilk that they can’t face living. She is bringing her humbuggery to Albany soon and I must be faced in the state where I live and pay taxes with the lies put out by a Catholic groups funded by Mormons: NOM.

I’ve spent some time thinking about and writing this comment. I rarely bother but despite the intense irritation I feel at some of the comment I think on the whole the regulars here are intelligent and well-meaning people. I would beg you to read over the accounts of this case, it’s well worth your time, and think of the implications.