Comments on: Shame and attachment loss: Reparative therapy and father-son estrangement

By: Tsc Admin

Tsc Admin — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 09:34:11 +0000

I also wonder if some men are so damaged by their fathers that they respond to any kindness and their sexual responses are guided and shaped by their emotional hunger.

That sounds about right to me. Having been raised in a physically and occasionally sexually abusive narcissistic environment, going through childhood GID and SSA, I’ve wondered if SSA in abused men is an attempt at repairing a developmental deficit. The SSA caused me to want to be around guys, doing masculine things with guys made me lose my GID.

I agree with you that traumatic cases cannot be generalized to all cases of male SSA.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:19:44 +0000

for the record, I’ve never shared any kind of delight with my father. Ever. I am convinced this has bearing on a lot of things in my life, but it has done nothing to make me straight or gay. I am straight, and I don’t think about my resentment for my father when I indulge in sexual pleasure. I think that would kind of get in the way.

By: Warren

Warren — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:42:11 +0000

Jon – I didn’t read your entire post when I approved it and would have approved it anyway, but ask you to go easy on the language in future comments.

Also, you apparently think I am placating APA (maybe the new rumor floating around ex-gay circles, about which no one has come to me about) with SIT. Incorrect on that theory. SIT is an effort to honor the dignity of all people and honor the research on homosexuality — we don’t know what causes homosexuality and categorical change is rare in research anyway and that is what we have to go on.

RE: your therapy, if your therapist gave you the informed consent we require in SIT which includes a caution that change is infrequent, it could be consistent with SIT. I could look at what you wrote and explain it from another perspective (behavioral) than the psychodynamic one but if you are happy with the results then I would not discount them. Change could happen in SIT but it would be a function of each person’s experience and not something that the framework seeks.

My comments about the groups you mentioned have to do with calling them to honest presentations of research and experience. Some people are hurt by reparative therapy presentations and theories and it is all preventable without compromising any theological beliefs. When NARTH lies in press releases and misleads reporters, you have to ask why do that? Apparently, however, I don’t see many among evangelicals who care about that.

Regarding Nicolosi’s book, I have another post coming that will discuss the various caveats Nicolosi offers regarding mothers, temperament. It is actually quite confusing. He says things which are hard to reconcile with each other. He offers a kind of temperamental explanation but one needs the gender or self deficit to activate SSA. The mother may create the fertile ground for a father wound but the father could rescue the pre-SSA boy from a bad mom, or a feminine temperament if he is salient. Jon, do you read Nicolosi’s book to say that a boy could become gay if he had a strong and compassionate father? If so, please point it out. I recognize that he believes that gay men can be more screwed up if they have smother mothers and feminine temperaments but can they be gay with just those two components?

By: Debbie Thurman

Debbie Thurman — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:36:08 +0000

Jon, you used a colorful phrase — I’ll let you figure out which one it was — I certainly would not expect someone who identifies as working in ex-gay or any ministry to use. Maybe it comes from working with men who feel the need to talk like they’re in a locker room. Sometimes the women in my SSA group get a little “real” in their speech, too.

As one who also went through a year of therapy for SSA, I do think you have a valid question for Warren. And you’re a guy, unless you’re being even more anonymous, so people may actually listen to you.

Were you possibly a victim of childhood sexual abuse by a woman, if you don’t mind my asking?

By: Jon

Jon — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:34:30 +0000

I have observed Warren’s blog a long time… it has given me a lot insights… I work in ex-gay ministry and have been helped a lot especially by Nicolosi’s views… I think his new book is excellent and very helpful but if you read chapters 2-3 you would not say as Warren says that Nicolosi is again giving you the explanation of “bad father as the cause of homosexuality”. He describes how a relationship with a mother and temperament of a boy is the backround why the father issue is so critical. So I see Warren’s comments in his blog about NARTH, Nicolosi and Exodus as a way to get approval of APA in this debate and being not labeled as a “bad guy” like Nicolosi. I wait Warren’s critical evaluation about APA report and not just lick their ass because they are very positive about SIT. And about SIT… I would like to ask Warren would reorientation: I was 3 years in psychotherapy… the therapist sayd he can’t promise the change but he was positive that it MAY happen because he had seen some clients… so we were talking about the real relationships with men and women… dealing also my past… and he used imagination just describing a horny woman and asked how I would feel about her… the first reaction was vomiting and we discussed about it but these kind of excerces helped to feel neutral about wome’s sexuality and when I started to date with a girl I didn’t feel “it was like my mother” but I was able to enjoy… he was talking positively what is it all about being a man and how to evaluate women… he had gay clients and respectem them also… when I felt I canät give up having sex with guys and it would be easier if I would turn to gay life style he was not defensive but helped to avoid the contrast gay-straight… The result was I was able to date with women and had my first heterosexual feelings…. The question to Warren: have I been in SIT or in reorientation therapy? Is there ANY possibility that heterosexual feelings and dating would be a result in SIT?