In my opinion and experience, a relationship is comprised of two halves, in our case, male/female. What one half does clearly effects the other, good or bad. But the main idea is to integate the whole, not just to build, support or emphasise the differences in one half at the expense of the other, if you are in such a committed relationsip. We are.

My husband is beginning to see that emphasising this dynamic of only seeing individual maleness extends into all platonic and personal relationships, which are inevitably comprised of both male and female parts.

It appears to me that there needs to be a more balanced understanding and exploration in MKP of this dynamic. Whilst it is great to know your own authenticity, or truth, it is critical to know that this relative truth is not universal, therefore not right in the absolute sense, ones personal authenticity need not dictate that any other is wrong, or flawed whatever the gender may be. If one is confident in this personal authenticity, I mean truly comfortable, one easily accepts differences, in fact may enjoy them without feeling threatened, forced to adopt them, or may even detest certain views without the need to change them, or deem them wrong in the absolute sense.

This is the danger zone for me and MKP. It is very one-sided (male), emphasising manhood, as opposed to first learning about what it means to each man to be a man, but then expanding into recognising that a female experience, or non MKP man’s experience is as valid as his own. Greater male and female understanding may even enhance ones journey. This is why initiation rituals take place at such a young age in tribal cultures. Whilst fundamental, they happen early so there is then room for expansion into greater understanding and consciousness with maturity. But I agree, one has to start with oneself, ones own gender, and better late than never:)

Human pain and struggle is universal, not exclusive to one gender. To stay focused on this one male/female element of oneself, can be destructive, rather than constructive. To keep emphasising one’s personal experience as being absolutely right as an individual gender can become extreme. To see the differences between men and women is only a small step into seeing what we truly are. Staying on this level, and emphasising this one element of manhood or femalehood is a stepping stone. But wars are fought due to this mentality of resting at this individual egoic level.

As a female, I feel it my responsibility to try to understand as best I can what my male perceives, desires and needs. MKP may hopefully help my husband to be able to share these things more intimately with me. To focus only on my personal female mission within the context any relationship is counterproductive. So for me, my husband and what is right for him, always comes in to play.

I feel that MKP could one day evolve to incorporate any gender. At minimum they could better prepare and include the spouses. I know there is a sister counterpart, but I believe that it too is limited for the exact same reasons. I have done many such group experiences, single and mixed gender, so now clearly see the benefit of intimacy amongst people, not just one sex. I recognise there is a time and place for single gender exploration. But MKP doesnt seem to recognise that there is a point when we don’t need to focus on gender, and I hope MKP will one day see that bonding, intimacy and knowing oneself is universally applicable, despite gender differences. So is pain, dealing with it, and growing as an individual. Sharing is critical. Neither men nor women need to loose their personal gender attribute. But there is much more to life than recognising and solidifying male female aspects. I would like to see such an evolution for MKP.

My husband very gradually came to admit he completely mismanaged communication upon his return and sees that the lack thereof caused my issues, not his discoveries, and beneficial changes. Again, MKP should have and easily could have prepared both of us to potentially expect and negotiate such profound shifting. But that responsibility ultimately fell more largely on my husband, and he accepts that. An open sharing policy, recognising that females do indeed have the capacity to expand their understanding of men, would have avoided a great deal of suffering for both of us. Perhaps MKP will one day incorporate the expansion of this element and understand and include the female experience of watching transformation, and vice versa.

I have benefitted greatly from seeing men in the groups I have been involved with experiencing carpet work, although it wasn’t called by this name, it was the exact same process, and men have greatly benefitted from seeing mine and other women. I challenge MKP to expand their horizons for those bold enough to look beyond the element of masculinity. Trust me, it won’t ever disappear because you forget to focus on it:)

My wife came with me to the “New Brothers Celebration” not long after the weekend. She spoke publicly about how much the weekend had helped me. She continues to see the experience as valuable in my life and is happy I went. As a follow up to the weekend, I attend a free I-Group almost every week and it continues to provide me a great source of support which my wife is also grateful for.

I wanted to add that I am a Christian and was not comfortable with a couple of the rituals but felt no pressure to participate in them. I was respected for my stand. No one is forced to participate in any part of the weekend if they do not want to. So, I found the experience intense, challenging, AND safe. When I read many of the comments on this thread I can’t believe that people are talking about the same weekend that I attended. Regarding the money, on the last day they explained that three of the leaders got paid and they explained how much. When you figure in the cost of renting the facility, and other normal expenses, I found the cost reasonable. By no means did I feel that it was a financial scam.

Absolutely, it’s not for every man, and MKP recognizes that, but it was an amazing experience for me and judging from the reactions of the other men who attended, it was for them too. The only regret I have is that I didn’t do it sooner.

He went in with some issues, like everyone I know, But he had some very profound discoveries, and seems to be peaceful in himself. I must emphasise seems… I finally came to this way of describing how he feels to me now, or how I perceive him. It is as if when something confronts him, he goes into his mind, decides to be peaceful, then takes a very unmoving stance with regard to his response, whatever he has chosen to do, in contrast to the easily flowing discussion we used to have.

I feel blocked from reaching him once he has decided. Nothing gets in once he decides. He claims to be still processing.

I don’t know who to ask if this is “normal” after such a weekend, but some how to me it is lacking in heart and spontaneity, I.e. truth to some degree. If I had to go into my head every time I spoke, I would be forever censoring and not living. I am not saying this behaviour is constant, but enough that I see a pattern. There is a lot more contemplation when anything he might perceive as negative comes up. He gets a strange smile on his face if I get frustrated or angry, and it is irksome.

I received the usual comment upon his immediate return about only sharing his experience, which placated me for a few days. But it isn’t enough. He has really changed, and a lot of that is fabulous, truly it is. But this new behaviour is, well, new and I feel somehow it is disengaged with me. Yet on another level, he has lost a heck of a lot of compulsions. But are they now replaced with some other ingrained mental process? Is that being comfortable and freely alive, and will this change?

I struggle very much with the secrecy and confidentiality as we promised long ago to always be honest and never conceal the truth, no matter how painful. We never had anything to refuse discussion about before. Inserting this new group of people and having such intimacy with them does make me jealous, and I have expressed that. Whilst I want him to be happy, it just doesnt feel right. He says it is me (nothing really new there:), but I honestly cant explain exactly what exactly threatens me, but MKP on some level feels wrong to me.

I read as much as I can about what goes on at MKP and the substance does not disturb me. I can imagine it quite horrible for some, and quite powerful for others. But playing with some one’s mind is precious. With no psychological expertise or experience, I am frightened by what they might do. Not what they have done, but it is hard to rest easy knowing people with perhaps not enough experience are recreating his mind.

I have agreed to wait and see, but I cannot feel good about this. Can any MKP person explain this? Thanks!

I do not have any personal experience with MKP, and like you, have read many of the comments – I do remember some positive ones and more negative ones. I like to read and hear personal stories more than opinions – everyone experiences life differently and this should be respected. Your story and experience makes sense to me and I am glad you posted it.