Comments on: What do women want? https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/ A [retired] college psychology professor's observations about public policy, mental health, sexual identity, and religious issues Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:35:58 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.3 By: Mary https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/#comment-25661 Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:35:58 +0000 https://www.wthrockmorton.com/?p=3113#comment-25661 Carole,
I realize that this conversation needs more depth between you and I. I have requested that Warren give my e-mail address to you so we can communicate in private. I hope that is okay. Somethings I do not share in mixed company or public – ever. But for our conversation – I think a private discussion can help straighten out what we are both trying to say???

]]> By: Mary https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/#comment-25660 Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:13:36 +0000 https://www.wthrockmorton.com/?p=3113#comment-25660 Carole,
I have known women who use their sexual prowess to achieve some ends. That kind of power (although it does exist) is not what I am talking about. That is a cheap thrill and easy to come by but many women will mistaken it for power. I have such a sister who used to compete (if you will) with me and my other sister in her ability to get men to “behave” a certain way. Well, that’s not how I roll and I don’t find such male/female relationships like that to be at all interesting.
Being controlled by someone who loves you and respects you is far different than abandoning self to a dangerous person or situation – even if that danger is fantasy – because I am a believer in what happens in fantasy happens in real life.
I think about the Songs of Solomon. To be without guard, and controlled by another is wonderful. That is trust and intimacy.
In many ways, that is the way we are to be with God. Allowing him to have his way in our lives.

]]> By: carole https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/#comment-25659 Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:23:15 +0000 https://www.wthrockmorton.com/?p=3113#comment-25659 Mary,
Point well taken. I remember all too well a “dirty old man” I once worked with who flat out said that women who wore skirts too short were “asking for it”. He went on to explain that he really believed that.
It IS a fantasy, and if you’ll look at my post, (2:42 pm) I corrected my own language in the second paragraph. I said I like your word “control” better.
I will add that I do agree with you that it is also about trust. In some way, I guess I didn’t even feel the need to say that because any fantasy I’d have has to involve trust just as a real relationship does.
However, I will stick with my use of the word power, but offer a clarification. The kind of power I am talking about is the power of being desired or the power of desiring, not some kind of power gained by physical force.
The use of the words captive and captor are yes, in the fantasy literal (that’s why it’s a fantasy!) but much more importantly, symbolic–the woman is at the same time “captivated” by the man (desires him) and he is captivated by her (desires her). The two words are interchangeable, actually. The captor is captivated and the captivated becomes a captor (emotionally speaking).
I think the researcher is basically thinking that a woman gets turned on thinking about turning on a guy. I call that “power,” but I understand that you might not like that description or feel as I do.
So, it’s hard to tell because words are getting in the way–maybe we are far apart, but maybe not.

]]> By: Mary https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/#comment-25658 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:57:36 +0000 https://www.wthrockmorton.com/?p=3113#comment-25658 Carter Heyward who is sort of a lesbain theologian (whatever) anyhow states it quite clearly what many women (of alternative lifestyle have heard over and over again) “What she really needs is a good f—!” All too often, even today, and unfortunately still in places like FOTF etc… that will be intonated. They may not use the word but the message is very clear. And women do not want that – when she says no – she means NO.
That is why I am correcting Carole and getting down to specifics when we talk about “control and be overtaken” in the sense of sexuality and the act of intimacy.
I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT RAPE SCENARIOS OR BONDAGE, VIOLENT ACTS OR VIOLENT THEMES.
Pathia, good for you!!!

]]> By: Pathia https://wthrockmorton.com/2009/01/27/what-do-women-want/#comment-25657 Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:25:46 +0000 https://www.wthrockmorton.com/?p=3113#comment-25657 @Mary

Wait for some man to stroll in here, use that fantasy as justification to rape a lesbian (calling it what she really wants and needs!)

That DOES happen, and someone tried to do it to me, but he was drunk and freaked out when he found out I didn’t have what he errr expected. That gave me enough time to strike back and get away to a more public place before he could recover. It was only an ‘attempt’ and it scars me to this day, I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t gotten away.

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