Comments on: Year in review: Top ten stories of 2008

By: MIchael Bussee

MIchael Bussee — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:09:10 +0000

Mary: EXODUS may not be the “be all and end all” of being “ex-gay”, but EXODUS is the first, largest and most well-known when it comes to the real “ex-gay movement”. They have a responsibility — and they have a voice.
In over thirty years, they have failed to use it powerfully to (1) get truly honest about what “change” and “ex-gay” really mean, (2) firmly and specifically denounce hatemongers and bigots, (3) speak with a clear pastoral.ministerial voice — staying out of politics and sticking to ministry and (4) offer any sincere words of remorse for the harm they may have caused along the way.
Readers will remember that on his personal blog, EXODUS President, Alan Chambers, actually scoffed at the idea that EXODUS owed anyone an apology in spite of the many heartfelt personal stories of pain told by “Ex-gay Survivors”.)
The other more moderate voices of compassion and reform, most notably Wendy Gritter’s, were largely ignored by EXODUS. Yes, at first EXODUS uttered received warm praise for her suggestions — promising to try to undertake her reforms — and then did practially nothing to really change their tune.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:58:16 +0000

You did include in you statment reparative therapy. It’s always difficult to know just which statemnt or article you will take out of your last post to argue with someone.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:57:23 +0000

Exodus is not the end all and be all of ex gay. Just a thought.

By: Michael Bussee

Michael Bussee — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 22:00:39 +0000

Mary. I was not talking about experiences with my therapist(s) over the years. Most have been very competent, caring and ethical and have helped me over some very rough spots — my divorce, the death of three partners to AIDS, the murder of my friend at the hands of gay bashers — and some “everyday” issues, like dealing with stress, career choices, coping with Bipoloar Disorer, etc.
I was speaking specifically of EXODUS, not individuals therapists. I am speaking of :
(1) EXODUS’ persistent failure (as an organization) to be completely honest with the public,
(2) its suggestion that “real” or “true” Christians would (should) agree with them that homosexuality is a sin the can (and should) be “changed”,
(3) it’s failure to fimly denouce the hatemongers and bigots who seem drawn to the “reparative therapy movement” and
(4) EXODUS’s ill-advised alliances with right-wing politics — insead of “sticking to ministry” as EXODUS was created.
It sounds like to have a very good therapist. Until EXODUS makes some major changes and whole-heartedly adopts Wendy Gritter’s very wise and love suggestions for reform, I will have to withhole praise for them.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:20:10 +0000

Wow – I think a lot has changed since your days in therapy. Or maybe I have a good therapist??
However, I sincerely think that politics should stay out of the therapy room. And I do know that many ex gays abhor themselves to the point of becoming gay bashers. That’s sad.

By: Michael Bussee

Michael Bussee — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:42:11 +0000

Concerned: Perhaps all my typos threw you off, but I did NOT say that the EXODIUS/Reparative Therapy approach is always harmful or that no one has derived any benefit from it.
I do believe, however, that it is usually harmful and has been harmful to many — I would suspect that more have been harmed than “helped”. Specifically, I think it is very harmful to:
(1) tell someone they that can and should “change” or become “ex-gay:” — and then never define what those terms really mean.
(2) insist that there is only ONE correct way to interpret Scripture and that anyone who disagrees with you is “not a real Christian”, is not “really saved” and may be demon-possessed.
(3) make good parents feel guilty that they somehow “caused” their kids to be gay — as if being gay were some sort of shameful and horrible disease.
(4) cloud “ministry” by mingling it with right-wing politics — and then suggest that “real Christians” should hold the same political views that you do — as if Jesus was Republican or something.
(5) make “overpromises”, use “Christianese” or sling “hype” — including language deliberatley designed ro “provoke” or “vex” the media — essentailly engaging in false-advertzing to try to win souls. Really BAD form, in my opinion.
(6) fail to clearly denounce wackos and hate-mongers who latch on to the “change” movement — at times even defending their bigoty and pseudo-science just becuse they are “on your side” of the “change issue”. (Kern, Cameron, Berger, Schoenewolf, et al)
(7) refuse to admit that for the overwhelmiing majority of peiople who seek “change”, very, very few (if any) really change from gay to straight.
Put all of that together, add a heap of religious guilt if you don’t “change” and the threat of comlete rejection and you will see how and why this approach has harmed so many.

By: concerned

concerned — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:27:09 +0000

Michael,
I have to question the validity of any statement that generalizes that the reparative approach is always harmful to those who under take it. It may not be for everyone who embarks in it, but it is far from damaging all, as you are suggesting. There are some whose lives have been changes a great deal by the work that has been done through a reparative approach and if there are those who are unable to accept that, then they do not have the right to damage the process for others.
We still have the right to make choices in our life and in no way should that be stifled. I can respect that this approach may not work for some and I can accept that the process is a very difficult one, but when we give into the idea that life should always be easy we stop growing and that is a shame.

By: Michael Bussee

Michael Bussee — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 20:38:41 +0000

Regarding Wendy Griiter’s suggestion tat EXODUS should undertake a “paradigm shift”, it seemed to me that Warren was doubtful that EXOUDS might actually move “away from a change/reparative therapy focus to a fidelity/congruence ministry focus.”
Many, including past and present EXOUDS leaders — whether supportivve of EXODUS (like me) very ciritical of it — agree that this SHOULD be done and without delay! The “change/reparaitive therapy” model and harmed many people pscyhologically and spiritual and has no real “scientific” basis.
The “fidelity/congruence” model is more humane, more “doable”, more repectful of the reality of people’s ACTUALexperience. Futhermore, it is more respectful of the right of “true belivers” to disagree on certain matters (for example whether or not all homosexual behavior is “sin”) and still be brothers and sister who hold Christ as Lord!
For EXODUS to adopt the seond approach, EXODUS would have to admit that it was wrong, very wrong to sell its soul to Right-wing, Evangelgical Republican Extremists. Frankly, I don’t think EXODUS has the courage to do that.