Jag,

Count me in – I completely agree!

I’d also like to encourage you not to write your parents off. Yes, they do sound naive…and your dad did express his bible viewpoint…but, it seems he also made a point of telling you that he loves you unconditionally. I also lamented the fact that my parents didn’t know much…until I realized that I didn’t know much either and I’m the one who had the feelings. Wouldn’t it be possible to help them help you?

You’ve already opened the discussion with them, perhaps you could let them know that you’re confused…that while a large part of the church believes as your dad expressed; another large (and growing) part believes that’s a misinterpretation. Find some parent contacts or literature on both sides of the issues and ask them to read them. If they’re computer savvy, you might even direct them to this site. I know you might feel embarrassed that they would stumble on to things you’ve confided here but I’m willing to wager, that like us, they’d see your sincere heart above all else. If that’s too risky, consider printing off topics or comments that you think might help them.

You’ve got feelings that you didn’t ask for. Now, you’re trying to understand them and how to reconcile them and your faith. That’s where you are today and there’s nothing remotely abominable about it. (Just as you need to remind yourself of this truth, you might also have to remind your parents.)

There’s a verse that says “we are living epistles, read of all men”. All of us are. And just as Paul’s epistles were different from John’s or Timothy’s, your own living epistle is going to be unique. I believe it’s quite likely that your parent’s faith is going to be broadened and strengthened by your journey.

I do have to remind you that this is MY opinion. I don’t KNOW your parents. But, please give it some thought and prayerful consideration. At the best, your folks are going to learn deeper lessons in unconditional love; at the worst, you’d learn that they never knew what it meant.

I thank everyone for taking the time to reply, and thanks to Warren too, I would very much like to know any professionals here in Australia you’d recommend (you can send emails to the address I enter with comments, as it is real).

I’m feeling at peace now, I ended up opening up more to mum and dad. Dad said to me, not to be afraid to talk as they wouldn’t judge and just want to be there for me. He apologised if he had said things that sent me into a panic. I cleared up certain things on where I stand on the issue. And how it’s treated by some Christians. And how it made me worried and feel worthless at times.

Dad was horrified to know the way gay people have been portrayed and treated by some hardline Christians. He told me that of course he didn’t agree with what these people were doing. It was a long discussion. But it was good to see that my parents are the same people I’ve come to know. That they’re balanced, understanding and caring and don’t view reality as black and white.

Right now I’m still a little under pressure because I have a few projects to finish this week for the end of semester. At least I can concentrate a little better now, and the irony is that one of my assignments is about “Identity”. =)

Thanks for listening and please keep me in your prayers. The resources here and on the other sites have been an answer to prayer for me.

Again – I have to say – AMEN!!!!

You stated:

““So the doctor reasoned that …. homosexuality is just as deviant and perverse as any other sex crime.”

I hope everyone on this blog finds this “psychologist” as reprehensible as I do. We have all discussed approaching clients from a neutral perspective…is this it?

I really hope that no matter where you stand on whether homosexuality is a sin or not, we can agree on this as non-neutral therapy. Jamie is clearly struggling here…

Jamie, I don’t know where you found this guy…but I’d look for someone who is neutral, open, and willing to support you in the either direction your journey leads you. I agree with the majority of Lynn David’s post #50221. Read it again…and know that you deserve to be treated better than this – as a client, and as a person.

I to would agree with Eddy and Jayhuck, give it time and always trust in God to help you along your journey. Your path will be revealed to you if you find the courage to surrender your will to his.

Thank you for what you just wrote Jamie – what you said is in my heart as well and yet you said it so much better than I ever could – thank you again!

“I would have to disagree. What this Dr. is describing is exactly the experience I have had. How can you be so quick to discredit him?”

Because every gay man I know did not make a choice as concerns his feeling in that respect. If you did, you’re one of the few. And see what I wrote to Jamie below…

Concerned further wrote:

“His logic make perfect sense in light of the idea that we are responsible for the choices we make. It is wrong to give over all of our free will to our genetic makeup. How much of who we are do we say is predestined?”

Hey, if you chose your feelings fine, you evidently made a wrong choice. Fortysome years ago, I made the wrong choice also. I chose to go against my feelings and attempt “heterosexuality.” It doesn’t work. Though it did work with a lesbian for about two months, but that was more like “queer heterosexuality.”

_________________________________

Jamie Sartre wrote:

“So the doctor reasoned that …. homosexuality is just as deviant and perverse as any other sex crime.

I don’t know what to feel. Society says I’m a freak who needs to change. I feel normal in a sense but who am I to disagree? Don’t other sexual deviants feel “normal” yet what they do isn’t right. So where does that leave me?”

Well, you can go with your society of the freak or you can go with another society which doesn’t say you’re a freak, but just one of the guys. It’s all up to you. But find someone other than this nutjob who calls himself a psychologist, because he is about as much a homophobic bigot as Paul Cameron. Anybody who is one step away from thinking you should be incarcerated is not worthy of you. You’re better than that. Take your time look into other ex-gay ministries/therapies and see if they fit how you feel.

Jamie Sartre further wrote:

“I feel like such a fool. I should have never told my parents. I thought that by being open I’d be able to find more answers. All I have is more sorrow, unanswered questions and pain.”

You’re not the first, you won’t be the last. Calm down and take stock, of yourself, your family, your friends, your possible paths, which are many. It’s your life, you are in control. Study up on Dr Throckmorton’s site here, gaychristian.net, http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/, exodus.to, and others. See http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com for a gay-centered view of the worst of research by the anti-gay crowd (like you psychologist).

Sit down and read, learn, with that knowledge will come a calmer confidence for the path you should take.

I agree with Eddy and everyone else. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles but wish you the best – Everyone on here has given you great advice.

And what Eddy said is correct – it is YOUR choice. Give yourself time for discernment (as he suggested) and remember: there are many happy individuals of faith who have chosen the Ex-Gay path just as their are many happy people of faith who have chosen to live as “practicing” gay men and women. No single way is right for everyone. God bless

I’m just a fellow sojourner but I do believe you’d benefit from a bit more sampling–on both sides. I believe that Timothy and I provided you with some leads on how you could connect with local groups or churches to explore what you believe.

Just remember, though, that in the end. It should be YOUR choice that you feel you came to between you and God. It’s not a public opinion poll…we all know quite well how the majority can be wrong. I really do believe it comes down to YOUR honest choice before God.

So, you take what you learn and experience. You reflect on it. You pray on it. You ask God to direct you as you sample…to give you discernment and wisdom. And, while you’re doing all that, you try to see yourself as He sees you…a sincere seeker who desires to please Him. The other stuff, the sexual feelings and all, that’s just small potatoes. God’s more interested in the direction of your heart towards Him. (That’s one of the few things I believe ALL of us who blog here agree on.)

Take a deep breath, realize He loves you…that He’s known you longer than you’ve known Him…and yet He loves you. Don’t ask why…the point is simply that He DOES. For a few weeks at least, stay out of Corinthians or Leviticus….give yourself an overdose of The Gospel of John and the Psalms.

Don’t hesitate to confide your struggles and doubts in prayer. God can take it. I’ve sure handed Him a boatload over the years–and yet–He survived!

Almost forgot, Warren mentioned some contact info he could provide you off the blog. Do you know how to contact him privately? One way is to go down the sidebar on the right, at the top of the last grouping is a link to DrThrockmorton.com. There you’ll find tabs across the page…the last one is “Contact”. It’ll bring up a blank e-mail addressed to Warren.

And, of course, we’ll all be here. Usually hanging out in “Most Recently Commented”. Don’t hesitate to call on us for a little support and advice. You’re already ‘part of the gang’.