I’m also curious to ask – and I’ll understand if you don’t want to answer this question – are you and your spouse planning on bringing any children into the marriage?

So the ceremony was both civil (in Canada) and religious (home). The legal component will be recognized by so many countries around the world (heck, even South Africa), but the spiritual one is the one we hold closest in our hearts.

No problem about the questions…

I’m sorry to keep asking you questions – but did you say you were married in Canada? Was it a religious or civil ceremony? – just curious 🙂

Thank you for your kind words. I really related to this ” as someone who grew up in a very religiously conservative community and family, I can empathize with the kind of treatment that you have received from some of your family members.”

Amen. I grew up in a very conservative church with a very conservative family and rural community. There was no diversity in my area – not in race, religion, and especially not in orientation. I even went to a christian undergraduate college.

Truth is, I have always held my faith close to me…and there comes a time when reconciling your faith and who you are doesn’t have to be an “either/or” debate…it took me a while to realize that you can have both. It was the only way I knew that I would have a happy fulfilling life. Everyone is different, however, and I know that even though this was my resolution, it might not be the same for everyone.

I wish you well on your continued journey..and I hope that whatever direction you venture that you find absolute joy. Everyone deserves at least that.

I forgot to mention just how much I agree with your statement that it is all in how you carry yourself. That is probably the most important thing – and you, from the little I know of you, seem to carry yourself well – at least on this blog 🙂

It did – And as someone who grew up in a very religiously conservative community and family, I can empathize with the kind of treatment that you have received from some of your family members. I’m trying very hard not to jump on a soapbox here, but I’ve expressed this view in many different ways on many different threads here – that being that religion can at once be a very beautiful and inspiring kind of thing, and it can also unintentionally foster all kinds of darkness, bigotry and hatred – We see that easily in Islam but we sometimes fail to notice it when it happens in Christianity –

ANYWAY – trying to pull myself back into focus here 🙂 – I am happy to hear that your marriage has been received well by many, and am very sorry that some in your family fail to even recognize the marriage. That, to me, is the height of rudeness. Its one thing to disagree, its another thing to deny!

I have been open and “out” for well over 10 years…and so the marriage has been well-received by those that know me. My friends run the spectrum…from fisherman in alaska, ministers, to academics, and I’m very open, even at work. I have “spousal benefits” at my workplace for my wife, etc.

I think that most of my friends are very liberal in their beliefs, and the ones that are more conservative seem to view me as the “exception”…that “not all gay people are like that.” For some it has changed their thinking on what a “gay” person is, others not. It’s interesting. I live a very quiet, normal, conservative life that worries more about the next energy bill or getting in my daily workout than anything else.

With others such as strangers, I find myself correcting often. If someone asks if I am married, I simply say “yes.” Most heterosexuals don’t say they are “married to a man,” so I don’t either. However, when they ask what my husband does, etc…I correct them by saying “my wife.” They look puzzled for a moment, and then continue. Again, I suppose I am not the “stereotype.” I’m a feminine, small-framed, long-haired woman who is well put together and I suppose fairly indistinguishable from my heterosexual peers. I don’t have a pride flag on my briefcase or anything.

Take into account Jayhuck, that I also live in a very open area where it is not uncommon to see same-sex couples holding hands, etc. So, people don’t bat an eye when my wife and I walk to morning coffee and a pastry and sit close, laugh and share a kiss having breakfast. We support local businesses and are as well known as any other people in the community. We’re not uncommon in our area.

The biggest difficulty has been with family, and the recognition as equals there. Most of our family came and shared in the wedding, but there were some who would not attend, act like it didn’t happen, and still refer to me as “single.” They even want us to stay in different guest rooms when coming over (“because to us you are not really married”)!

I still send them emails, pictures, etc…and go about my business. The family that did not attend were most appalled that my wedding happened in a church…funny, because that was something that brought us both the most joy – that it could happen there with such blessing and support.

I suppose some of it is just how you carry yourself. I don’t feel or act like my relationship is any different than anyone elses…and that’s how I present it. If someone is talking about their family or husband, I’ll certainly add my own experiences and funny tales.

I hope this answered your question.

I have another question for you – being, possibly, the only gay married person on this blog – or maybe even the only married one period – how has your marriage been received by your friends and even the people you meet whom you’ve chosen to share this news with?

Wow, usually I don’t even get a Pavarotti background…I never got to hear him live.

Thanks for your comments…