Comments on: Chicago Tribune article almost features sexual identity therapy

By: jean waddington

jean waddington — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 22:22:41 +0000

couples always sort it out or split leave them too it!!!! Gay or hetrasexual what is the diffence there are always problems it is without a doubt a persone/couples problem!!!! Life is easy for some and difficult for others and we all cope the best way we can, for the record most people find it hard but we are the survivors and god bless us!!! jxx

By: Eddy

Eddy — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:41:55 +0000

Amaleia,

LOL! I hope that’s your real name. I like it.

Re the self-hatred. It’s one of the first things that my church ‘went after’ after I got saved. I would try to justify why I had every reason to hate myself–or later, some part of myself but was constantly reminded that none of this was news to God. He knew it when He reached out to me. So, if God saw my weaknesses and loved me anyway–in spite of them…it’s a bit audacious for me to go on hating myself.

I know we are called to hate SIN but how do you extend that to hating YOURSELF? Again, God knows where you’ve been. He knows in what areas you still struggle or stumble–and He understands. There’s a balance of course. We shouldn’t take grace or forgiveness for granted but, it serves no godly purpose to indulge in self-hatred–in fact, self-hatred actually tends to serve ‘the dark side’. (You hate yourself–or a part of yourself–ti makes you reluctant to present yourself to God in prayer. A sense of ‘I don’t deserve anymore grace or forgiveness’ begins to cut us off from fellowship. Cut off from these resources, we stand alone and pretty much defenseless to ‘the onslaught of the enemy’.)

LOL! Somehow I’ve found myself humming “Just As I Am”…

BTW: just curious, I’m guessing your blog name is pronounced either Ah.MAH.lee.ya or Ah.MAH.lay.ya; is either correct?

By: Warren

Warren — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 17:37:08 +0000

Ministry done well results in a reduction of self-hatred along with growth in self-acceptance. Many people I work with do hate themselves for having impulses they disagree with. This ordinarily is counterproductive.

I disagree about breathing. I am glad it is involuntary 🙂

By: Amaleia

Amaleia — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 11:10:35 +0000

The last comment of the article is totally ridiculous. This woman is not understanding the basis of all ministries and/or religious meaning. We are all full of self-hatred in some part of our lives where we wish to change. It does not mean I totally hate myself just because I do something I wish I didn’t. And I know God loves me unconditionally. However, holding her point of view to the extreme—-what is the point of trying to become a better person at all—-because trying to change anything just means one hates one’s self?????? Not at all. I know the conflict. The thinking that being gay is “who I am” instead of a “behavior I do”. Therein lies the problem. EVERYTHING we do is a choice—including breathing—if we want to hold extreme points of view. It amazes me however, that the Christian view is amost always characterized differently than what it truly is. Jesus was radical. Here’s a thought—-what about just accepting everybody—–with all our collective problems—-and allowing Jesus to work on all of us—–in His own time—-and each our own understanding. Meanwhile, our job is to love each other. Amaleia

By: Warren

Warren — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 20:30:22 +0000

I debated allowing the last two comments in this thread. Please keep discussion to the post and not to personalities of the commenters.

There is a simple way to resolve this. The man in the article has a view of himself based on his attractions and behavior. Actually that view has evolved somewhat but that is another matter. Being out and gay does not of necessity involve bathhouses and the like and it does not involve wives. Being same-sex attracted might and frequently in my clinical work it does. What one makes of this is what sexual identity integration focuses on.

Clinical reality and objective reality are two different experiences. I hope we can distinguish the two here in our conversations.