At the same time, there is something that is real about all of this that some of us want to understand. So terms are important for science and public communication.

Now, here is where I probably need another post. Thinking about sexuality probably requires more terms than less. We need to be clear about attractions, desire, preference, impulse and intent to behave. When change occurs in any of these areas, the person may experience themselves as having changed in toto.

To wit: two clients. Both experienced what appeared to me to the same level of change in sexual attractions (K5 to K2), but one was happy with that and considered himself straight, whereas the other was not happy with that and said to himself — I still am attracted to men, that means I am still gay and it did not work. He now considers himself gay, even though many of us here might think of him as bisexual — both of these guys actually would probably be labeled bisexual.

To wit two: Some guys I work with are basically and automatically attracted to men, but acquire attraction to one woman – their wife. They seek help in keeping their marriage because they value it over breaking it off. They need a way to think about their most basic sexual urges that doesn’t lead to behavior they would rather not engage in. Are these guys bisexual? Well, I don’t know. I suppose, but not in the same way as someone who is attracted in general to both genders at the same time. Check out my post on bidirectional attractions for more on this.

I think the description issue is complicated because not all people seem to be bidirectional in their love-sex capacity. Or at least it is inconceivable to the person, so it may seem it couldn’t be that way for anyone.

With all due respect – you are not the one living my life. And if sexuality were just about penises and vaginas then we would all be in danger. I just do not see sexuality in the same way you do.

Your full name isn’t Mary Baker Eddy, is it? 🙂

What do we mean when we say ex gay? For me – it means I’ve changed.

It sounds as though you say you are heterosexual because you changed your mind. With all due respect, that just doesn’t seem to me to be credible.

Almost everyone seems to agree that a homosexual person could develop into more of a bisexual person.

No. That is not true. I do not believe that the vast overwhelming majority of homosexual persons could develop into bisexual persons.

Perhaps some percentage can. And perhaps some can become heterosexual, I don’t know.

But most do not change to any significant degree. And for most, acquiring some minimal (usually fleeting) attraction is far from adequate to justify marriage – it is far too frequently a recipe for disaster and pain.