You seem to have difficulty understanding how anyone who is gay/lesbian could have a happy life…so I thought I would put myself out there and share mine.

I am a young academic with a tenure-track position at a liberal arts school in the northeast…I have a solid job, partner benefits, and live with a beautiful young professional woman who works in patent law. I couldn’t be more in love. We’ve been smitten with each other since meeting, and have a wonderful life – we work out every morning together at the gym, often bike to work into the city, are members of a local church, have a dog and a place in an amazing loft – and spend our leisure time traveling both here and abroad.

I live a life absolutely blessed. Ivan, I can only wish you were this fortunate…and pray that everyone can experience the life that I have…even if just for a moment. I thank God for my health, my life, my love, and for making me exactly who I am.

Questions Ivan?

I think your last post, while poignant, may have missed my point. Anyhow, I don’t think it’s worth it for me to go over again.

Well, I wouldn’t quite put it that way. I know lots of straight men who are are not particularly well-adjusted psychologically. What I mean is that I am happy with my work, my family, my lover, my hobbies, my church. Somedays are rougher than others, but that’s true of everyone. Sexual orientation does not determine one’s happiness or level of psychological adjustment.

All I mean is that I no longer feel bad about being gay. I accept that I am, just as a straight man might accept that he is straight.

What offends me and angers me is NOT that someone might question whether or not I am “truly happy” — as I have said, I have my highs and my lows just as every human being does. What DOES offend and anger me are questions about “cause” from people who believe my sexuality is some sort of a disease that needs to be cured, or that I am demon possessed or not as “healthy” or “moral” as straights.

I angers me that I have been fired from two jobs — simply for being gay. It angers me that I was beaten and stabbed in the back my gang members who hated “faggots”. It angers me that these same gang members murdered my best friend for being gay. It offends me when a bullhorn toting “Christian” yells obscenities at my Mom as we walked into the Municipal Auditorium to hear the Gay Men’s Chorus do a Christmas concert. But you asking me if I am “truly happy” — that I can live with.

On the other hand, when my daughter was in Kindergarten, she was already telling me about boys she thought were “cute” or “nice”. She didn’t “misinterpret her feelings as sexual” any more than I did. We both just felt what we felt. My attractions have remained constant over time and so have hers. I’m gay. She’s straight — and I will be the proud Dad who gets to give her away to a wonderful Christian man this April.

I appreciate your comments about how we ought to talk more scientifically…how you were relentless with Ivan about the word ‘satisfactory’. Now, it’s your turn.

I’ve read at least 3 references to sexual direction before the age of reason (about yourself, about your daughter). I want clarification.

What was the sexual nature of your feelings at age 5 or 6 that you brought up in another recent thread? What was the sexual nature of your daughters feelings at age 6 or 7 that you also used to try to make that point? I’m not trying to get explicit here but I do believe you are inserting a controversial and unproven premise into the discussions. Therefore, I need clarification re the sexual direction feelings that you attribute to yourself and your daughter at those ages.

How can I be sure that you both don’t fit into my theory of childhood feelings and attractions being reinterpreted as sexual? (I believe they are both RE-intepreted and MIS-interpreted.) Please elaborate for the benefit of our scientific understanding.