I think Timothy’s link sounds like a more direct line than searching ‘affirmative’ under churches as I suggested earlier.

Thanks for your honesty and openness, BTW, and ‘welcome aboard!’… I see you’ve found us up on the current thread.

LOL! In the midst of the other advice, I don’t think I made it clear that THIS would also be a good place for you to ‘hang out’ and find fellowship while you’re deciding your next steps. I see on the current thread that you’ve already found your way to the SIT materials. I admire your tenacity and ‘follow through’.

(Warning: we actually tend to blog less on weekends so if things get quiet for a day or two, don’t worry. Things will pick up again come Monday.)

There is no reason why you cannot have a perfectly happy and normal life – full of love and commitment and satisfaction with the man of your dreams and a close relationship with God.

If you would like to talk to someone who is gay supportive but not dismissive of the Bible and God, please contact the pastor of one of the churches on this site:

http://www.gaychurch.org/Find_a_Church/foriegn_nations/australia.htm

Here’s some comments regarding all your replies and Eddy’s questions:

1). I never really did identify as gay when I was a kid. But as I grew up I realised that I was in denial about my attraction to other guys. Do I call myself gay? I don’t like to label myself as it always means something else to different people. But yeah I’m pretty sure I’m SSA or whatever you want to call it. I just can’t imagine being intimate with a girl, it feels weird and wrong.

2). Identifying as such is a problem for me as I’m a Christian. And all I ever heard all my life was that homosexuality was a perversion (that usually involved molesters, crazed lunatics and the like). But I know now it’s not that black and white. That might have been why I was in denial about it for so long, I didn’t see myself as some pervert.

Okay, sure, I’m not proud about the fact I’ve lusted and fantasized about other guys my age. That has conflicted with my Christian beliefs. But having come to grips with that and not being as – how do i say this – …randy and full of hormones as when I was a teenager, I am now at a crossroad.

I don’t see myself as a pervert, I don’t want to use other human beings just for their bodies. I want to be in a fulfilling relationship. But I feel like a freak at times, because this isn’t considered ‘normal’. And with all the bad role models and gay subculture that exists, I often wonder, is this where all gays are destined to go? Partying, drugs, sex, disease and superficiality?? This leads on to the next point below.

3). I feel alone in the world, I don’t know who trust about this. There are well meaning pastors who try and understand….but can never really do when they are heterosexual. There are other pastors who condemn the ‘lifestyle’ and the ‘choices’ made by these men and women who have ‘chosen’ to lead such an immoral path.

Then there’s the pro-gay groups who encourage the sexual liberation and encourage others to experiment. There are groups who try to cause doubt about the Bible and say that “all those ancients were doing all sorts of bad stuff, we can’t be sure what’s right and wrong in that book”. etc

I know that was showing extremes, but that’s what I encounter usually, though not always. I feel like someone should speak up in my church and raise this as an important issue….then I remember, only someone like myself who knows these feelings can speak up…..but I probably never will, as that would make people never trust me again. Maybe that’s another reason why I cry and hate myself, because I’m too afraid to speak up for all the other girls and guys suffering in silence like me.

What I’m going to say next may seem terrible or crazy, I dunno, but please understand.

I’ve sometimes felt it better when I was crying and filled with disgust, confusion and sadness. Maybe cause when I feel like that, for that space of time, I know I’m not going to get those other feelings of attraction to a guy. Like I’m not supposed to enjoy life and go about my day, as I’m a freak to others. I feel like the case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, so many mixed feelings.

If any other readers do, please contact me via email.

1) It sounds like you identify as gay but you also are conflicted about society’s stereotypes of masculinity and feminity. So, do you think you identify as gay or would ‘different’ be a better word?

2) You really didn’t mention how or why ‘identifying as gay’ would be a problem. That’s a very important 2nd question. Why is that a problem for you? (your morals? your parents’? your community’s? the social stigma? fitting in with your friends? religious beliefs? dream of a family?) LOL! Don’t worry if it’s a little bit of this and a little bit of that but do try to determine what YOU believe. My gut feeling is that you shouldn’t make serious steps in either direction until you’ve answered that one.

3) That answer might lead you to the next one. What kind of help/support are you looking for? Ken and Ann both gave excellent suggestions. If you’re really not sure what you’re looking for, then sampling the available resources representing BOTH sides might be of some value. Hopefully, the internet has made finding those resources a whole lot easier. Under ‘churches’ you might search the word ‘affirming’ to find churches or groups that would help you accept your gay identity. Searching ‘ex-gay’ or “Exodus International” should help you if you feel you’re gay but it conflicts with your faith. (Our blog host, Dr. Throckmorton, is developing another form of therapy known as SIT–Sexual Identity Therapy. I don’t know if he knows anyone he could refer you to in ‘the land down under’ but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.)

My only caution to you when visiting either pro-gay or ex-gay groups is to be wary of group and peer pressure and persuasion. (That’s why it’s so important for you to have some sense of where you’re at before you go. When the day is done, you still have to be true to you and what you believe.)