“Hi Mike, this is Art,” one call began, according to the report. “Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply.”

He was calling to see if he could get MORE. Why? To be tempted again and throw more away?

And I’m sure the local coven put out a contract on him, too.

How does one stake out a gay bar?

Probably from hiding, you know, so the witches don’t getcha.

How does one stake out a gay bar? Did he try to blend in? Did he pretend to be gay to throw them off guard? Buy drinks but throw them away? Maybe he just went in to use the restroom and didn’t realize they were gay bars, like John Paulk.

What? If he did what he is being accused of, he certainly is a hypocrite. This man preached from the pulpit that homosexuality is sin whle he’s doing it? That’s not trying to be faithful to his faith, let alone his church or his wife and kids. Sounds like he was trying to get his jollies while putting on a good act and remaining faithful to no one.

Haggard makes some rather… odd claims about himself. At best, he’s led a very interesting life. At worst, he’s completely delusional:

He was always on the lookout for spies. At the time, Colorado Springs was a small city split between the Air Force and the New Age, and the latter, Pastor Ted believed, worked for the devil. Pastor Ted soon began upsetting the devil’s plans. He staked out gay bars, inviting men to come to his church; his whole congregation pitched itself into invisible battles with demonic forces, sometimes in front of public buildings. One day, while he was working in his garage, a woman who said she’d been sent by a witches’ coven tried to stab Pastor Ted with a five-inch knife she pulled from a leg sheath; Pastor Ted wrestled the blade out of her hand. He let that story get around. He called the evil forces that dominated Colorado Springs—and every other metropolitan area in the country—“Control.”

Sometimes, he says, Control would call him late on Saturday night, threatening to kill him. “Any more impertinence out of you, Ted Haggard,” he claims Control once told him, “and there will be unrelenting pandemonium in this city.” No kidding! Pastor Ted hadn’t come to Colorado Springs for his health; he had come to wage “spiritual war.”

So he stakes out gay bars, claims to have fended off a hit-witch, and hears a voice calling itself “Control.” What do you want to bet there’s no police report and he threw away the knife along with his unused meth?

Reminds me of Clinton saying he tried pot but didn’t inhale.