I’m confused…

some exexgays who were once married say “my sexlife with my wife was not great, I didn’t desire her, but we managed somehow, until I couldn’t fool myself anymore”.

Then others say “our sexlife was great, I loved her, etc., but I still couldn’t get away from the fact that I’m gay, and so I left for a man”.

So what is it to be gay then?

I’ve read so many different peoples opinion now on what it means to be gay, if there is such a thing as a bisexual, etc., etc., and I really can’t see how one person can say to another; “you’re fooling yourself, you might love your wife now, and you might have a good sexlife now, but you’ll in time know that you’re gay, and so you’ll leave your marriage for a guy.”

Also; I don’t see how anyone can say “everyone can change, if only you try hard enough”

It seems to me (and I was confused enough before I started reading about these issues) that sexuality is so much more complex than what each of you (or me) has experienced to be true for us/work for us, and so we should wish each other good luck instead of saying “this is the truth, get real!”

On the issue of sexuality, it seems to me that few statements or facts can be set in stone…

Einy

If he does, then the chances of success are greatly increased. The problem is when the husband is not aroused by his wife, no matter how hard she tries to turn him on. At the end of the day, its the sexual incompatibility which ultimately ruins these marriages.

We’d probably also suggest adding something along the lines of

We realise these people tend to be unique individuals, responding in a way that is most satisfying for their own lives. It would be foolish, if not cruel, to even suggest that any and all gay men or lesbians could — let alone should — be compelled into making the same sort of decision.

That would be as foolish and cruel as suggesting that these unique individuals likewise prove that any heterosexual is capable of entering into and enjoying a gay relationship.

Then we’d have something “reasonable and truthful” and sensible 🙂

Then, perhaps, drawing a parallel to those heterosexuals who appear more than capable of “behaving homosexually” in a threatening prison environment, or working in street prostitution when destitute.

Ahh, the power of threats and bribes…

Why not just level with the public and say “OK, we admit it. We don’t really change anyone’s orientation. Nobody is really “Ex-gay”.

“The vast majority of our clients never really develop primarliy hetersexual attraction or become “straight” in the common sense of that word.”

“But we believe that it wrong (Biblically) to engage in ANY sort of sexual behavior outside of monogamous, heterosexual marriage. So, we help our clients either abstain completely from sex or modify their behavior and feelings ENOUGH that they may be able to stay in a tradtional “straight” marriage.”

That would be a reasonable and truthful thing to say.

Now his orientation is moving more towards bisexuality, even though he admits he is predominately gay. Good for him. What’s the point?

This isn’t really a change in orientation. He was and still is bisexual. Nothing wrong with that or that he (with his low sex drive) and his wife (who doesn’t really care much for sex anyway)are happy together. I wish them well.

It is not unusual at all for a primarily gay men to hook up with a lovely and giving low-sexed straight woman. The companionship can be very satisfying. I know. I did it myself.