This is the opposite of a woman in one of my research studies who in a committed lesbian relationship for 20 years and then fell in love with a man at her work place and is now married to him. Is she really a lesbian but in love with a man? She certainly doesn’t think of herself this way. She has experienced a 180 turn in her fantasies, attractions, etc as a consequence of this unexpected heterosexual relationship.

Again, as I was commenting up above, it becomes a matter of faith which interpretation we choose. And it is quite predictable, at least to me, which interpretion a person will choose (is he anti-gay or pro-gay?). And, people tend to be passionate about their interpratation, and will label others stupid if they believe differently.

Thing is, if this individual honestly feels that she changed, we have two options:

a) she really did experience true inner change in her “underlying” orientation (if there is such a thing), or

b) her “underlying” orientation is bisexual, and she was merely discovering her gay side, which previously might have been repressed.

To obsess over the truth, from a philosophical standpoint, seems meaningless to me, and difficult to keep from spiraling into semantic hell.

But from a political standpoint, we all know what is at stake.

I know a few people who seem to have “changed” in more ways than just behavior. Whether that’s “really” bisexuality, or they were never “really” gay, I am not going to say. The problem is that the people I do know don’t seem to have changed through techniques, willpower, or prayer–but they have met someone that they love and want to relate to in an intimate way.

I’ve observed the same thing, people who seemed to change not only their behavior, but their mental processes as well. As for whether or not they were really gay to begin with, or bisexual all along, I guess we can never know. What’s interesting is that one’s political view can color one’s unique perception of this phenomenon: anti-gays will say that the gays DEFINITELY changed, where as pro-gays will say that they DEFINITELY were not gay to begin with. It almost seems like a form of faith which interpretation you choose to believe. I’m pleased to see that though you are pro-gay, you have the intellectual acuity to recognize this difficulty of interpretation.

In my personal experience, those who seemingly changed their inner orientation tend to be those who are pro-gay, who are at ease with themselves, who, for whatever reason, seemingly update their sexual orientation “software.” Of course, this Sheryl Swoopes situation seems to indicate that the opposite can occur as well.

He kind of danced around the question of whether orientation changes over time, or could, saying only that identity is a process. He was, of course, very suspicious and condemnatory of reparative therapy and NARTH.

Did he ultimately believe that change was possible? Or did he refrain from any sort of answer out of fear of political correctedness? It would be interesting to see what these reputed professionals really think behind closed doors.

Yours truly,

Memphis Belle

Could there be that ONE guy out there? Who knows. Drop everything and go bend yourself in knots trying to find him… naah.

And of course liking a guy (as himself) and giving yourself a brief test-run or experimentation is very, very different to deciding to spend the rest of your life with him and shutting yourself down in order to see that commitment through.

Personally, if such a “one woman in the World” existed for me… I think she’d arrive on the back of a flying pig. And work as a snowflake manufacturer in hell (which of course, has just froze over).

I’ll have a good read of your writings too — tks for the link.

Did you miss the bit about marriage? 8 year old son? It all “crept” up on her and golly, I’m in a relationship with a women?

Pfft, women!!! (sorry ck…)

And, no. Most people are not bisexual, latent or otherwise. Some are.

One (you or I) could be forced to behave (at some level) either way — but that is not what we are talking about. Or is it?