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	Comments on: Love in Action: Zach&#8217;s father speaks out	</title>
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	<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/</link>
	<description>A [retired] college psychology professor&#039;s observations about public policy, mental health, sexual identity, and religious issues</description>
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		<title>
		By: Throckmorton		</title>
		<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-86</link>

		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Throckmorton]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Jul 2005 16:03:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.wthrockmorton.com//2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-86</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Robert - You might be surprised to learn that the latter counseling approach you described is closer to how I think counselors should operate.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Robert &#8211; You might be surprised to learn that the latter counseling approach you described is closer to how I think counselors should operate.</p>
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		<title>
		By: Robert		</title>
		<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-85</link>

		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Robert]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 Jul 2005 23:41:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.wthrockmorton.com//2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-85</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Stories like this remind me of why I was so grateful to have had the parents I did.
They weren&#039;t particularly happy to hear that I was gay (at age 16), but they would never have sent me to a locked facility to be
&#039;reprogrammed&#039;.
Also, I was fortunate to find a psychologist/counselor whose approach wasn&#039;t &#039;you&#039;ll never be truly happy until you learn to suppress your sexual orientation&#039;,
but &#039;let&#039;s help you find some insights and tools to make the most of life.&#039;]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Stories like this remind me of why I was so grateful to have had the parents I did.<br />
They weren&#8217;t particularly happy to hear that I was gay (at age 16), but they would never have sent me to a locked facility to be<br />
&#8216;reprogrammed&#8217;.<br />
Also, I was fortunate to find a psychologist/counselor whose approach wasn&#8217;t &#8216;you&#8217;ll never be truly happy until you learn to suppress your sexual orientation&#8217;,<br />
but &#8216;let&#8217;s help you find some insights and tools to make the most of life.&#8217;</p>
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		<title>
		By: kaiwai		</title>
		<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-84</link>

		<dc:creator><![CDATA[kaiwai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 16 Jul 2005 16:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.wthrockmorton.com//2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-84</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[&lt;I&gt;Nojam - I think that you raise an interesting point. I cannot judge motives but I certainly hope the dad and son are finding ways to common ground. I have spoken to John Smid and I believe he sincerely wants the family to find peace.&lt;/I&gt;

I hope the father actually takes his roll seriously as a father, because so far, he seems to have a greater interest maintaining that front row pew at his local church than ensuring that his son grows up to be a confident and responsible young man.

The myths used by Pat and his merry band of bigots doesn&#039;t change the simple fact that, like I said, people make choices in their life - if Zachs father truely loved him as a parent, he would be trying to install some responsibility and self esteme - which is half the reason why there are gays who hate being gay - the fact that they lack self esteme, and them go looking for it in the wrong places (drugs, alcohol, multiple partners, risky behaviour etc).

If his father sets his son up correctly, he can join the millions of gays out there, like me, who are living healthy and successful lives - millions who contribute back to the community each day and play a roll in the larger community.

But of course, I don&#039;t see it happening; his father has the &#039;everyone else is mad except me&#039; complex - reminds me of my grandmother who had manic depression - &#039;everyone else is mad but me&#039;; it sad to see that religion has brain washed the parents to such a degree that they can no longer rationally make decisions for their children - I some times wonder when that sort of brain washing happens - equal to that of a cult, that the government should step in, and hand over care of the children to a family who actually care for the welfare of the child.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><i>Nojam &#8211; I think that you raise an interesting point. I cannot judge motives but I certainly hope the dad and son are finding ways to common ground. I have spoken to John Smid and I believe he sincerely wants the family to find peace.</i></p>
<p>I hope the father actually takes his roll seriously as a father, because so far, he seems to have a greater interest maintaining that front row pew at his local church than ensuring that his son grows up to be a confident and responsible young man.</p>
<p>The myths used by Pat and his merry band of bigots doesn&#8217;t change the simple fact that, like I said, people make choices in their life &#8211; if Zachs father truely loved him as a parent, he would be trying to install some responsibility and self esteme &#8211; which is half the reason why there are gays who hate being gay &#8211; the fact that they lack self esteme, and them go looking for it in the wrong places (drugs, alcohol, multiple partners, risky behaviour etc).</p>
<p>If his father sets his son up correctly, he can join the millions of gays out there, like me, who are living healthy and successful lives &#8211; millions who contribute back to the community each day and play a roll in the larger community.</p>
<p>But of course, I don&#8217;t see it happening; his father has the &#8216;everyone else is mad except me&#8217; complex &#8211; reminds me of my grandmother who had manic depression &#8211; &#8216;everyone else is mad but me&#8217;; it sad to see that religion has brain washed the parents to such a degree that they can no longer rationally make decisions for their children &#8211; I some times wonder when that sort of brain washing happens &#8211; equal to that of a cult, that the government should step in, and hand over care of the children to a family who actually care for the welfare of the child.</p>
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		<title>
		By: Throckmorton		</title>
		<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-83</link>

		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Throckmorton]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 16 Jul 2005 06:01:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.wthrockmorton.com//2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-83</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Thanks Cole, glad you like the video. I&#039;ll see what I can do about that new video :)

Nojam - I think that you raise an interesting point. I cannot judge motives but I certainly hope the dad and son are finding ways to common ground. I have spoken to John Smid and I believe he sincerely wants the family to find peace.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thanks Cole, glad you like the video. I&#8217;ll see what I can do about that new video 🙂</p>
<p>Nojam &#8211; I think that you raise an interesting point. I cannot judge motives but I certainly hope the dad and son are finding ways to common ground. I have spoken to John Smid and I believe he sincerely wants the family to find peace.</p>
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		<title>
		By: nojam75		</title>
		<link>https://wthrockmorton.com/2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-82</link>

		<dc:creator><![CDATA[nojam75]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 16 Jul 2005 02:48:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.wthrockmorton.com//2005/07/14/love-in-action-zachs-father-speaks-out/#comment-82</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I think it&#039;s disturbing that Joe Stark felt the best way to help his son was to publically identify his son and declare his son&#039;s struggle on national, right-wing TV.  The elder Stark could have still defended his decision without publically identifying his family and his son.  I can&#039;t help but think that Joe Stark may have placed defending his reputation as a father, conservative Christian, and man, ahead of caring for his son.

Why Rev. Smid would support Joe Stark in outing Zach also makes me wonder if Smid placed defending/publicizing his ministry ahead of protecting his client.  Encouraging more media attention onto Zach seems contrary to Refuge&#039;s notorious &#039;rules&#039; about avoiding the media and outside influences by attracting even more attention.

Since it often takes years to sort-out personal feelings about sexuality, Zach may not be willing or able to express his feelings about his LIA experience - especially while under the control of his family.  Even if he praises or denounces LIA, he may eventually change his mind.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I think it&#8217;s disturbing that Joe Stark felt the best way to help his son was to publically identify his son and declare his son&#8217;s struggle on national, right-wing TV.  The elder Stark could have still defended his decision without publically identifying his family and his son.  I can&#8217;t help but think that Joe Stark may have placed defending his reputation as a father, conservative Christian, and man, ahead of caring for his son.</p>
<p>Why Rev. Smid would support Joe Stark in outing Zach also makes me wonder if Smid placed defending/publicizing his ministry ahead of protecting his client.  Encouraging more media attention onto Zach seems contrary to Refuge&#8217;s notorious &#8216;rules&#8217; about avoiding the media and outside influences by attracting even more attention.</p>
<p>Since it often takes years to sort-out personal feelings about sexuality, Zach may not be willing or able to express his feelings about his LIA experience &#8211; especially while under the control of his family.  Even if he praises or denounces LIA, he may eventually change his mind.</p>
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