I can’t think of how to start this so I will just post the link and grieve.
Parents believe bullies drove son to take his life
The eighth-grader killed himself last week. He shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was constant harassment from four other students at Hamilton Middle School in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District.
Brown, his family said, was “bullied to death” — picked on for his small size, his religion and because he did not wear designer clothes and shoes. Kids also accused him of being gay, some of them performing mock gay acts on him in his physical education class, his mother and stepfather said.
The 13-year-old’s parents said they had complained about the bullying to Hamilton Middle School officials during the past 18 months, but claimed their concerns fell on deaf ears.
Please, no debating about why he was bullied, or which characteristic was most responsible. Just action.
Mary
I’m glad you have differentiated your position from the others which sounded similar. I misunderstood you, and I’m happy about that.
Tremendously. I did not know a person could go for weeks barely sleeping at all and still live. Ate little, as well. That was me. A walking zombie and crazy as a loon.
Evan,
That may be true for some individuals Evan (definitely not all), but people can be taught, they can learn, and they can change.
Jayhuck, what would you teach adult people to no longer reject gays?
What would you teach children to no longer reject atypical kids?
I ask you this because you said that it’s a matter of teaching and learning.
I just want to comment a bit on this statement of Evan’s and his follow-up question to Jayhuck, even though I get a sense that most folks are ready to move on from this discussion. I am sure it will piggyback to others because it’s a very important one.
Bullying is something that proves the selection and isolating process begins not in adulthood, but far earlier. Yes, people are sometimes born with certain handicaps or strikes against them from a worldly point of view. Kids do learn to prefer some over others because of cultural prejudices. In adulthood, the more mature and compassionate people can reverse this picture, if they choose, because they have the means to do it. Or they can cement it.
Children are too immature to catch all the subtleties, and yet some of them are more discerning and compassionate than their elders in this regard. Some of the great works of literature have child protagonists and heroic characters to teach the greatest moral lessons. And those are the kinds of tools that teachers and parents can use to teach the right stuff to kids. You can far more easily slip the message in this way than by forcing them to go to Sunday School. If they do both, so much the better. And of course, adults have the duty to model appropriate and moral behavior for children.
We have advocacy organizations and recovery ministries for the very reason that so many adults are warped and hurt by early experiences to the extent that they have fallen back on various addictive and unhealthy behaviors to ameliorate their pain. Yes, they can change those old patterns.
Evan# ~ Oct 6, 2010 at 6:47 am
“Jayhuck, what would you teach adult people to no longer reject gays?”
Mostly by giving them accurate information about sexual orientation, to counter stereotypes and mis-perceptions. Many people who personally know out gay people are more likely to be supportive of gay rights.
“What would you teach children to no longer reject atypical kids?”
compassion. that all people deserve respect.
If we could only get beyond all the “rights” to the deeper things. Insisting on our right to ourselves (to use the phrase Oswald Chambers so often called Christians out with) is the cause of so many problems and wars in this world. When you set up gay rights over against “other” rights or perceived rights, you get bedlam. Always. It’s a never-ending tit-for-tat. So tiresome. So in need of being crushed into oblivion by our sensible better angels.
Debbie Thurman# ~ Oct 6, 2010 at 11:04 am
“When you set up gay rights over against “other” rights or perceived rights, you get bedlam”
Like the “bedlam” that ensued when minorities were given equal rights? You prefer a system where certain classes are denied the same rights as others?
Do you think that adults treating gays as 2nd class citizens has nothing to do with teens and children targeting them as well?
It’s a bigger picture than you are painting, Ken. Look at more of it. Look at all of humanity and not just the gay side for a moment. Make it an issue of respect for all without the need to bully any. Make it about a safety net for hurting or confused kids, whatever that pain. But realize that the messages they are hearing from both sides of this culture war are contributing to that confusion.
We have talked here about getting the culture war, the ideology out of it. Good idea. The problem can be addressed without making gay rights the centerpiece of it. That’s not saying to pretend sexual identity ought not be addressed. It’s saying don’t make it the centerpiece of a much broader problem. I think we need to ask ourselves why we have had this sudden rash of suicides. Is there something we are overlooking? Are we rushing to judgment?
Debbie Thurman# ~ Oct 6, 2010 at 2:51 pm
“It’s a bigger picture than you are painting, Ken. Look at more of it. Look at all of humanity and not just the gay side for a moment.”
Look at WHAT Debbie? How does looking at ALL OF HUMANITY help? What suggestions do you have from looking at all of humanity? I look how kids mirror the attitudes of adults and how adults treat gays (and other minorities) and suggest treating gays equally under the law would help. Now, I acknowledge it won’t help the kids being bullied because of their weight or religion. However, simply because something doesn’t solve the problem for everyone doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done for those it can help.
“Make it about a safety net for hurting or confused kids, whatever that pain.”
Because you have to understand what is CAUSING the pain to help alleviate it. Broad generalizations aren’t going to help. You have to get into the details.
“The problem can be addressed without making gay rights the centerpiece of it.”
I never said it should be the centerpiece. I was responding to your assertions that it would somehow cause “bedlam.” I believe it will help, not hurt.
Ken, I am not going to participate with you in illustrating the very thing I was concerned about by arguing here. Tit-for-tat will not help move a meaningful discussion forward or serve to solve the problem we all want to see solved. Let’s just self-censor and let this go for now. I am sure others want to move on, as well. I do not discount your concerns. I am just weary, as many of us are, of the seemingly incessant need to fight this battle with a war of words. I have said too much, and it is time for me to be silent.
I’ll not comment on the presumption of entitlement that is oozing out of this jolly little statement.
I could have reversed the statement to name other rights first, Timothy. Perhaps that would have angered you less. What I was saying is that a rights-vs.-rights war is getting us nowhere. Invariably, when one side hollers and demands “rights,” the other (or another) begins to feel disenfranchised or put upon. “Hey, you’re cutting into my turf” … “speaking over me” … whatever. It just seemed to me that this point was not brought out in our very long discussion. But no matter. I am shutting up now. I’ve had enough of it all.
I reject your rights-vs-rights paradigm.
I know of no rights that are threatened by treating people equally and with dignity and respect. Only those who are accustomed to being given preference and who have presumptions of superiority are threatened by equality.
Debbie,
Linda Harvey has a new column out today in which she incorporates some themes that are familiar.
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=211837
Do you agree or disagree with Linda? And on what points?
Debbie–
I realize that it’s often difficult to leave a direct question unanswered but consider 1) that you did say that you were exiting the conversation and 2) that dialogues between you and Timothy have NEVER gone anywhere. I can’t recall when he’s ever shown an ounce of respect for you or your opinions. I, for one, don’t think it would be ungracious of you to leave his burning questions unanswered.
There is a place to have a meaningful and productive voice but this isn’t it.
Peace!