Timothy Kincaid posted the link to this Anderson Cooper 360 segment on bullying prevention. Here is Candi Cushman and Eliza Byard discussing bullying policy along with author Rosalind Wiseman.
In the past I have favored laws which do not enumerate traits (e.g., race, religion, sexual orientation) because the context of bullying can be so diverse that a category could be left out (e.g., gifted kids). However, I think that enumerated laws are better than no laws at all and certainly understand advocates who believe listing is the way to go. I do favor numeration of categories for statistical purposes as bullying prevention programs are implemented. This approach provides a way to know where the problems are and if a district is improving.
Furthermore, I think implementation of bullying prevention often requires directly addressing various social issues, such as race and sexual orientation. If the school-wide assessment finds that gays are being harassed and disrespected, then you have to address the worth and dignity of sexual minorities. Wiseman and Byard are correct to note that silence on the issue sends a loud message – some disrespect is ok, while other disrespect will not be tolerated. Simply saying, ‘all people deserve respect and a safe learning environment’ is not enough and often does not generalize. Human nature being what it is, it is easy to allow bias to convince us that our prejudices are ok, as long as we don’t generalize them. Where a problem exists, it has to be named.
At the same time, I do think that school personnel have a responsibility to avoid stigmatizing religious people who do not approve of homosexuality. This is a difficult challenge and one which mirrors the problem we have finding ways to live together in a society polarized over many issues. However, we have to try.
Lets address the real Problem: why we are missing the mark on bullying.
By Mucheru Njaga
Author of Patch: Assumption is a crime.
I was a bully.
I didn’t plan on being one. In fact, before then, I was a victim of bullying. As a freshman in a all boys boarding school, I along with all of the junior students served at the behest of the “Prefects”, a small group of senior students. They ruled our school with a heavy hand and had more powers than the teachers. They bullied us physically and mentally , once we had to jump on our knees, other times they banned us from wearing pants and limited us to shorts to serve as a constant reminder to who we are. Verbal humiliation was an everyday occurrence as well.
Four years later, I became a “prefect”, a bully and part of a system I once despised. We would raid the freshman area in the middle of the night and make them follow whatever we ordered them to do at 2am or face severe punishment. We called them names in front of the dinning halls and used them as practice dummies during rugby games.
All of this was acceptable – condoned by the school faculty at the time because the “Prefects” were seen as the guardians and mentors of the young students. Today the danger of bullying and its impact on our society is finally shaking many people awake. Many groups and organizations have made significant steps in our fight against bullying but there seems to be a growing number of bullying related deaths in America and the world.(STATISTIC)
So where’s the disconnect? Why are we letting this happen?
Where does bullying start?
In our efforts to address this growing problem, we tend to focus more on the end result of bullying rather than why it starts. The kids we recognize as bullies and vilify as the aggressors could easily be our very own children or next door neighbor. In other words, for every victim, there is a perpetrator, and I set out to find out what turns a lovable kid or teen into a bully. For the last couple of years, I compiled a case studies I believe could be a catalyst in our bid to stop bullying.
Throughout my entire experience, I noticed the common motivation behind bullying is fear. As a victim, I was afraid to fight for what I knew was right and as a bully, I feared loosing the tight grip of power I held. It is this fear that keeps things status-quo and continues the cycle.
The same basic principle plays out in schools today. Bullying is almost always a direct or indirect by product of fear. “Fear” of being labeled, “fear” of being uncool, fear of being seen as weak. Most of not all instances of bullying are rooted on fear. Sadly, it is this fear that prevents kids from living a free life, where they are free to be different, to be gay, to love a certain kind of music or activity, to be themselves.
So how does true change take place?
Define bullying with your kids and talk it out: For teens public perception has a substantial influence on their daily decisions. We need to clearly explain to kids what bullying is, how to spot bullying tendencies within themselves and how to avoid acting them out.
Take away the cool factor:
Show kids that bullying stems from fear, and we could effectively render bullying as an “uncool” deed. The largely successful anti-smoking, “Truth” campaign and the anti-drug, “Rise above the influence” campaign ads help significantly reduce those habits among young people. A well executed marketing campaign endorsed by a popular teen celebrity that showcases bullying as an unacceptable act can help garner attention for the cause.
Be aware of tendencies towards bullying developing in kids:
Educators, parents and children alike must be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of bullying before the problem gets out of hand. If there is a widespread understanding that fear is the underlying emotion perpetrator of the bullying cycle, those who observe a child who exhibits signs of fear and insecurity can spot a problem early on and raise concerns.
Encourage self reflection:
Talk with children who are bullying others and encourage them to consider their behaviors. Often, another problem is bubbling beneath the surface and it is necessary to determine the rot of the behavior in order to fix it. Since this self-examination can prevent those problems form manifesting into something more harmful, the earlier it takes place, the better.
Promote open communication about bullying problems:
We have to change the way kids view talking to adults and authority figures about bullying issues. Kids are often worried about “snitching” and the negative perception of telling adults when they are having these types of problems. We must convince them that it is brave courageous and admirable to put an end to the situation instead of remaining silent.
Mucheru Njaga is the author of “Patch: Assumption is a crime”, a young adult novel based in his personal experience with teen bullying that encourages debate and discussion among teachers, parents and students.
http://www.patchthebook.com
http://www.mnjaga.com
Lets address the real Problem: why we are missing the mark on bullying.
By Mucheru Njaga
Author of Patch: Assumption is a crime.
I was a bully.
I didn’t plan on being one. In fact, before then, I was a victim of bullying. As a freshman in a all boys boarding school, I along with all of the junior students served at the behest of the “Prefects”, a small group of senior students. They ruled our school with a heavy hand and had more powers than the teachers. They bullied us physically and mentally , once we had to jump on our knees, other times they banned us from wearing pants and limited us to shorts to serve as a constant reminder to who we are. Verbal humiliation was an everyday occurrence as well.
Four years later, I became a “prefect”, a bully and part of a system I once despised. We would raid the freshman area in the middle of the night and make them follow whatever we ordered them to do at 2am or face severe punishment. We called them names in front of the dinning halls and used them as practice dummies during rugby games.
All of this was acceptable – condoned by the school faculty at the time because the “Prefects” were seen as the guardians and mentors of the young students. Today the danger of bullying and its impact on our society is finally shaking many people awake. Many groups and organizations have made significant steps in our fight against bullying but there seems to be a growing number of bullying related deaths in America and the world.(STATISTIC)
So where’s the disconnect? Why are we letting this happen?
Where does bullying start?
In our efforts to address this growing problem, we tend to focus more on the end result of bullying rather than why it starts. The kids we recognize as bullies and vilify as the aggressors could easily be our very own children or next door neighbor. In other words, for every victim, there is a perpetrator, and I set out to find out what turns a lovable kid or teen into a bully. For the last couple of years, I compiled a case studies I believe could be a catalyst in our bid to stop bullying.
Throughout my entire experience, I noticed the common motivation behind bullying is fear. As a victim, I was afraid to fight for what I knew was right and as a bully, I feared loosing the tight grip of power I held. It is this fear that keeps things status-quo and continues the cycle.
The same basic principle plays out in schools today. Bullying is almost always a direct or indirect by product of fear. “Fear” of being labeled, “fear” of being uncool, fear of being seen as weak. Most of not all instances of bullying are rooted on fear. Sadly, it is this fear that prevents kids from living a free life, where they are free to be different, to be gay, to love a certain kind of music or activity, to be themselves.
So how does true change take place?
Define bullying with your kids and talk it out: For teens public perception has a substantial influence on their daily decisions. We need to clearly explain to kids what bullying is, how to spot bullying tendencies within themselves and how to avoid acting them out.
Take away the cool factor:
Show kids that bullying stems from fear, and we could effectively render bullying as an “uncool” deed. The largely successful anti-smoking, “Truth” campaign and the anti-drug, “Rise above the influence” campaign ads help significantly reduce those habits among young people. A well executed marketing campaign endorsed by a popular teen celebrity that showcases bullying as an unacceptable act can help garner attention for the cause.
Be aware of tendencies towards bullying developing in kids:
Educators, parents and children alike must be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of bullying before the problem gets out of hand. If there is a widespread understanding that fear is the underlying emotion perpetrator of the bullying cycle, those who observe a child who exhibits signs of fear and insecurity can spot a problem early on and raise concerns.
Encourage self reflection:
Talk with children who are bullying others and encourage them to consider their behaviors. Often, another problem is bubbling beneath the surface and it is necessary to determine the rot of the behavior in order to fix it. Since this self-examination can prevent those problems form manifesting into something more harmful, the earlier it takes place, the better.
Promote open communication about bullying problems:
We have to change the way kids view talking to adults and authority figures about bullying issues. Kids are often worried about “snitching” and the negative perception of telling adults when they are having these types of problems. We must convince them that it is brave courageous and admirable to put an end to the situation instead of remaining silent.
Mucheru Njaga is the author of “Patch: Assumption is a crime”, a young adult novel based in his personal experience with teen bullying that encourages debate and discussion among teachers, parents and students.
http://www.patchthebook.com
http://www.mnjaga.com
Took you that long? Must have lost your gaydar.
But now is anything concerning gay people brought up by a gay man or lesbian necessarily suspect?
Took you that long? Must have lost your gaydar.
But now is anything concerning gay people brought up by a gay man or lesbian necessarily suspect?
Why is Anderson Cooper doing this news video? Could be because he is gay? I think so. He acts gay and never see him with a woman.
Why is Anderson Cooper doing this news video? Could be because he is gay? I think so. He acts gay and never see him with a woman.
I’m with you. And if the school finds that gifted kids are picked on, include them. Let the programs address where the problems are.
Today it’s gay kids. In 5 years it my be religious kids or rich kids or kids who have both parents or something else entirely. If we commit to combating the bullying where we find it, we’ll be ready with the skills and experience to protect whoever is next in line.
I agree. I really wish that religious conservatives would join the effort rather than fight the effort so that their legitimate concerns could be heard and addressed.
I’m with you. And if the school finds that gifted kids are picked on, include them. Let the programs address where the problems are.
Today it’s gay kids. In 5 years it my be religious kids or rich kids or kids who have both parents or something else entirely. If we commit to combating the bullying where we find it, we’ll be ready with the skills and experience to protect whoever is next in line.
I agree. I really wish that religious conservatives would join the effort rather than fight the effort so that their legitimate concerns could be heard and addressed.
I think the larger problem is religious people stigmatizing homosexuality.
Hi Dr Throckmorton,
I enjoy reading your articles and admire the brave position you have taken about the laws in Uganda. I run a Messianic Jewish website, and thought you might be interested in this article we posted about the very-right-wing Christian Institute in the UK, and the position they have taken on smacking children and other issues.
Kind regards,
Joseph
I think the larger problem is religious people stigmatizing homosexuality.
Hi Dr Throckmorton,
I enjoy reading your articles and admire the brave position you have taken about the laws in Uganda. I run a Messianic Jewish website, and thought you might be interested in this article we posted about the very-right-wing Christian Institute in the UK, and the position they have taken on smacking children and other issues.
Kind regards,
Joseph
And religious people who are racist too.
It’s difficult dealing with such issues. I guess the principle should be that everyone has the right to religious belief, no matter how distasteful that may be to administrators. They don’t have the right to inflict their beliefs on others, only upon themselves.
Even that’s limited: a religion that believes in child sacrifice should be bound by the same rules regarding homicide as everyone else.
And religious people who are racist too.
It’s difficult dealing with such issues. I guess the principle should be that everyone has the right to religious belief, no matter how distasteful that may be to administrators. They don’t have the right to inflict their beliefs on others, only upon themselves.
Even that’s limited: a religion that believes in child sacrifice should be bound by the same rules regarding homicide as everyone else.
What is so odd about the FotF position that ‘school handling of bullying is being politicized’ is that the FotF position is one which in itself is a political position.
This woman from FOTF completely and consistently dodges Anderson’s question regarding talking specifically about the traits of the victims
What is so odd about the FotF position that ‘school handling of bullying is being politicized’ is that the FotF position is one which in itself is a political position.
I completely agree.
This woman from FOTF completely and consistently dodges Anderson’s question regarding talking specifically about the traits of the victims
I completely agree.