Comments on: Shame and attachment loss: Going from bad to worse

By: Rainer

Rainer — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:27:04 +0000

Of course there are straights who feel the same way. Only, straights and gays who feel that way may likewise be able to hold jobs or advance in careers – so I wouldn’t infer that a homosexual who holds a job or advances in a career couldn’t be suffering from “Nicolosi’s trauma”.

By: Warren

Warren — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:05:47 +0000

Rainer – Straights feel and act the same way. The kinds of experiences you describe are true of straights too.

Read the most recent post; the fellow who had shame with his father should have been gay according to the “shame-trauma-makes-you-gay” theory.

By: Rainer

Rainer — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:08:02 +0000

Warren,

“If all of this is true, homosexuals should be unable to hold jobs, or advance in careers, or do other things which require secure object relations and attachments”.
That doesn’t follow for me. I hold a moderately well-paid job. Notwithstanding I’ve always had the feeling to be “a child in an adult’s world” – a child which couldn’t grow up but has learned to fake a grown-up, doesn’t allow strangers to come too near (and see through the fake) and has found a professional niche where more grown-up abilities (like exerting authority) aren’t necessary.

By: James

James — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:43:44 +0000

I’m on page 150 and It’s dense reading.

By: Shame and attachment loss: Reparative therapy and father-son estrangement — Warren Throckmorton

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 11:13:05 +0000

[...] Shame and Attachment Loss: Going from bad to worse [...]

By: Fg68at

Fg68at — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:17:49 +0000

Nicolosi remeber me now more of Aardweg and his “self pitty”.

By: Eddy

Eddy — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:01:34 +0000

Warren–
I do agree with you that one of Nicolosi’s biggest weaknesses is how he tends to globalize things. Trying to fit everything into one neat package…one solution fits all…this always leads to that. My biggest concern is that there are some good and valid ideas that are being compromised because he does this.

By: Timothy Kincaid

Timothy Kincaid — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:39:35 +0000

I suspect those adopted concepts of bereavement and grief will want to return to their original family.

Warren,

masterful snark. kudos

By: Warren

Warren — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:13:32 +0000

I haven't read far enough into the book to see if he now believes that heteros are ok in the self category. I do know that he believes without gender trauma one will be straight.

In other words, that fact remains that if you traumatize a child in a particular way you will create a homosexual condition. If you do not traumatize a child, he will be heterosexual. If you do not traumatize a child in a particular way, he will be heterosexual. The nature of that trauma is an early attachment break during the bonding phase with the father.

If you are straight, you did not have problems with your same-sex parent. It is not such a leap to if you are straight, you have a real self unsullied by the nasty false self.

By: Eddy

Eddy — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:58:14 +0000

Anticipating an objection, let me add that there are people of accomplishment who would say in their private moments that they don’t know who they are and they feel directionless. However, they are also straight in their sexuality.

I don’t think anyone, including Nicolosi, is suggesting that homosexuality is the only expression of a person who doesn’t know who they are or who feels directionless. Many career-driven individuals, who come to realize that they are alone or that they’ve lost touch with their families, find that they used their career (their accomplishments) to mask a greater personal void…the sense of a whole self. Others might seek solace in some form of escapism. The tragedy is that as long as the ’substitute’ is there to medicate the need, many remain unaware of the problem. For those motivated to seek help with their homosexual attractions/behaviors, it could be their main substitute.