Although only one mainstream newspaper has picked up the Exodus study, blogosphere is providing some dialogue. A particularly civil exhange can be found on BoxTurtleBulletin. Stanton Jones has gotten involved as well…
Debate continues on the Jones-Yarhouse study of sexual orientation
September 18, 2007 by 207 Comments
Jag, Mary, Eddy,
Love the tv comments
I think I am a cable snob now and rarely watch regular tv. The shows I used to watch and enjoy have all been replaced with exactly what Jag describes. Oh, there is American Idol which I have only seen one season of and was an source of laughter during the tryouts! Let’s not forget the two greatest sports teams in the world either – Dodgers and Lakers – must see tv!
Jag–
I understand what you’re saying but consider that most ex-gays are single and are not in a relationship with anyone of either gender. Beyond that, they aren’t pursuing a relationship either. Sexuality may be an annoying temptation once in awhile or it could surface in the longing for a committed relationshp…but, for many, they are managing their sexuality much as they would handle overeating. They perceive that they are sexual and they also perceive that they’ve got some issues to deal with…but it isn’t the biggest part of their life.
I was writing letters to the editor when I was 13…on a variety of issues: hypocrisy, conformity, racism, pledging the flag, prayer in school. In high school, I was editor of our underground newspaper. So many issues that I wanted to speak to. In college, I participated in peace marches, sit-ins and protests. That’s also when I started getting involved in gay lib issues. A few years later, I had a ‘born-again’ experience. “Ex-gay” hadn’t been invented yet so most in my church recognized that I was ‘from a homosexual background’.
Our church sponsored the local Teen Challenge so we had a vivid assortment of ‘sordid, sinful pasts’ mixed in with ‘just regular sinners’. (True Story: After I came out, I moved into an apartment in the city. It had a small, vine covered back porch that looked out over an alley. I was most intrigued by this house across the alley, full of young men in their late teens and early 20′s. In the evenings, I’d often see them fill up a van and take off. So, a year or more later I have my conversion experience and I’m feeling alone and trapped…after all, I chose my apartment for its convenient access to the local gay life. I was about to tell my spiritual advisor that I even suspected there was some sort of male brothel right across the alley when he informed me that he was pretty sure that I lived very close to the local Teen Challenge. Boy, did I read that one wrong!) ANYWAY, for the next few years, I was just ‘one of the gang’…we ALL had our issues to deal with but they seldom surfaced outside a counseling session. While I had identified myself by my sexuality prior to becoming a Christian, I now referred to myself by the label that expressed our commonness. Whatever our backgrounds had been, we were now ‘New Creations’. That label sufficed all the way through my first year in Bible School until word got out that I was a ‘former homosexual’.
It became tragically comical. Both guys and girls would seek me out for advice and support. In my second year, three freshmen had already found me before orientation had even started! Total strangers, they’d suddenly be standing in the midst of me and my friends. Awkward eye language and nervousness tipped my friends off that they should wander away long enough for the ‘disclosure’. ANYWAY, from that point on, the issue of homosexuality dominated my life again. I was pretty much free from sexual thoughts altogether (except for that week when I fell in love with my ministry partner) but the issue itself became a focus. “Ex-Gay” was coined the following year and embraced officially by Exodus at large another year after that. It became my identity.
Over the course of the next ten or more years, no one seemed to be interested in my opinions on any subject other than homosexuality. I’d be trying to connect with friends in the lobby after church, only to be detained by some needy soul in want of my expertise. World peace? hypocrisy? the moonies? applied Christian ethics? Nah! All they wanted to talk about and focus on was sex…if not directly, then indirectly. So, I can see plenty of justification for an ex-gay person 1) preferring not to view themselves in terms of their sexuality 2) not wanting their sexuality to be a public matter.
Of the people I alluded to a few posts ago, one is a pastor of a large church. He already had enough things on his plate without the additional burden of being thought of as the regional expert/referral for this issue. Another was a youth counselor in an inner city program. He said they could handle the gay/ex-gay part but, if discussing it, he couldn’t bring in the Christian aspect. (Please, tell us all about yourself…just leave out the most important part…)
Revelation to ALL: I think I’ve just figured something out. There’s no way I’ll ever catch up to Timothy or Mary on the number of postings so I think I’ve been shooting for longest. I realize this one isn’t going to cinch it though. It’s Friday night karaoke time.
Eddy –
Thank you for your comments, and your story (it has been a busy test-grading time for me)…but I wanted to respond.
This sums up nicely how I view the ex-gay community (and the gay individuals who struggle with their orientation):
“They perceive that they are sexual and they also perceive that they’ve got some issues to deal with…but it isn’t the biggest part of their life.”
I think that sometimes the sexual aspect of it is exacerbated because:
- it seems that everyone is interested in sensationalizing.
- people have a natural curiosity, and a need to differentiate themselves from “those people,” whoever those people are.
- sex tends to be a tempting factor for all people at some point – even those who are settled on their sexuality talk about “when” and issues around “virginity,” etc…we are very focused on it as a faith.
- Sex is everywhere in culture…just try to get away from it…
So, truth is, I get it. Thank you for your history…we have some common elements – although I have never struggled with my orientation.
I grew up in a very conservative religious evangelical family and church. Dated mostly men most of my life…went to a christian college where I met my first girlfriend (a minister’s daughter), and BAM…I finally understood what all the fuss was about. I was smitten in a way I had never been before.
Unfortunately, I also realized that although nothing changed about me…I was the same student getting great grades, working, on sports teams, etc..the whole world seemed to have shifted at my Christian school for me. An environment that seemed initially loving went a bit sour. I watched as professors showed clips from “gay pride parades” and used it to represent the community…etc…those people weren’t like me at all.
Here I was, a christian woman, interested in women, who was trying to live the most moral life I could. Deciding how “far” to go, what the stages of dating would be for me, etc…and there was really no resource there. I had to meld my own beliefs with my attractions…and after attempting to attend numerous churches – all with messages telling me I would die from AIDS (I wasn’t having “sex” or using drugs), that gay individuals are not monogamous, could not be parents, etc….I finally, years later, found a church that I could attend openly. I didn’t want a “gay church,” just a church open that would accept me for who I was – who I felt God meant me to be.
There are so many sides to this issue, and I do try to be open. I realize that my experience isn’t everyone’s experience – and hope to never judge others, as others have judged me.
Eddy – Thank you for your open, and heartfelt message and for sharing a bit of your experiences with me.
Mary –
“You really ought to get a 42? flat screen of some sort and watch the Living Planet on it. It’s fantastic!”
You tempt me with your words.
I have no doubt that it is fantastic…the picture quality, sound, etc…must be amazing. It makes movie-going a real treat to have absolutely nothing at home that can compare. For example, I’m going to an IMAX to see a show on space that should be really amazing…
I have an experiment for you…give up television for one week…you’ll be fascinated how much time you have in your days!
That is, unless you start commenting here (as I have).
Haha – I don’t watch that much network tv. Also, I am not one for crowds and prefer for movies to come out on DVD. I have a movie friend who comes over for dinner and movies. (I think she owns everything under the sun) And my neighbors drop in for Sunday football.
I do go to the IMAX for the specials – which is always great. When I upgrade – I sell you mine!